The Opera Populaire

Torii at Suizenji-koen. Mom in white.
Sakura at Kumamoto Castle. Kumamoto is famous for horse meat, made into some sorta sushi. I sampled a bit and found it quite ok, just a bit stronger tasting than beef, to my Mum's absolute horror!

Suizenji-koen. Kumamoto Castle.

They say pictures paint a thousand words. It's a huge pity I din take more photos with my handphone while in Japan. Anyway, decided to upload this because I am so pleased at having managed to use my phone PC kit at last! The happy words of an IT idiot hahaha :)

Being in Jakarta makes me miss the safety of Japan, where you dun have to worry about being pickpocketed even in the most crowded Ueno station. I miss the cleanliness there, too. Have been having the runs on off here and am wondering if it's due to the food. Looks like I had been too pampered by clean food in S'pore!

I liked the great customer service in Japan too. Although I had read about this Japanese "mask" thingie, which meant that Japanese don't really like to show what's beneath their facade of politeness and all, it had been pleasant to be on the receiving end of politeness. While we were still browsing around the food department of Daimaru at closing time (Mom loves looking at food!), we found that all the salespeople had stood in a row behind their counters and bowed to us as we walk past, thanking us in a gesture that struck me as being so typically Japanese installed form of politeness. Very interesting indeed.

I AM: a teenager that never grows up...I think haha.
I WANT: to travel the world and spend some time living in one of the places for exposure.
I WISH: I am more intelligent, street-wise and irresistably attractive.
I HATE: liars, hypocrites and the smell of cigarette smoke.
I MISS: being an undergraduate. And oso those days travelling.
I FEAR: having no one to share my life with.
I HEAR: God's soft voice inside me. But I don't listen to it all the time, which needs to stop.
I WONDER: about what might have been if I had chosen a different path in life.
I REGRET: not doing what I could have done when I could e.g. taking up piano lessons etc. But guess it's never too late!
I AM NOT: a bimbo. Or so I would like to think.
I SING: foreign language songs when I want to convey some feelings that English songs can't.
I CRY: to myself, in the still of the night. Unless I really can't take it anymore.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: kind. I get impatient and angry too easily.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: bad cooking. Just ask my hall frens. But I am trying to improve it!
I WRITE: this blog, letters and cards to frens and my trusty, voluminous diary.
I CONFUSE: guys, because I am a Venusian. Hohoho!
I NEED: to start a fitness routine and learn to grow up in lotsa areas of my life as well as pick up new skills to sharpen this brain.
I SHOULD: learn to be more patient and loving.
I START: the day when I hear my brain whizzing into action. It's my natural alarm clock.
I FINISH: last, because I am a nice girl! Buahaha!
I LOVE: the exhilaration of new experiences and new places, to love and be loved by the people around me.
I REMEMBER: the kind actions and words from people, beautiful memories and lotsa nonsense which is completely useless hehe.

The earthquake that shook Yogyakarta really took us all by surprise. My prayers go out to the victims as well as those who had been affected in one way or another. I know two of my parents' workers whose villages were wiped out and one of them had asked for leave to go visit her in-laws there. Hope they dun get affected by the after-shocks or something. Thanks to those who messaged me out of concern. The quake was in Central Java and din affect Jakarta, which is in West Java...thank God!

Jakarta is one place where the reality that you can't live without money strikes you like a slap almost everyday. Begging is commonplace.

Today, was out with Dad when Mom called from the office asking what should she do about this man wearing a Scout uniform who was asking her for money so that he could go back to Makassar. Thinking him a professional beggar, we thought we could get rid of him by handing him Rp.5000. But when we reached the office, I found him planting himself in one of our chairs still. He showed Dad file with some documents which I couldn't tell what it contains. That was when I found out that he was mute! Felt a wave of pity sweeping over me as I watch him struggling to explain what he wanted with actions and writing. In the end, we gave him Rp. 10, 000 and he left. I wonder if he's actually really in need of going back to Makassar like he claimed and if we had managed to meet that bit of what he needed.

Street urchins come up to you at every traffic light and try to cajole you to hand them loose change by singing some songs. I always think to myself sadly that these kids shd be in school. And they shd at least learn some skills that will prepare them to make a living for themselves rather than beg. How can I help them? Sometimes thinking abt these make me very unhappy with myself. I do pray for them whenever I remember.

On a different but almost similar vein, we were at Bandung at the time of the anniversary of the May Riots of 1998. When the night fell, the university students went out in full force to raise funds at the roads to commemorate the anniversary. It happened last year in Jakarta too, but the Bandung students were much more creative. They "begged" in small groups. One group stopped our car and did a juggling act in front of us. Another had one of the guys dressed up in a kebaya and pretend to do a strip tease! In his sunglasses and cross dressing, he actually reminded me of Najip Ali for some reason hahaha. Found the political awareness of the students here highly interesting. Wished that I had been able to participate in that sorta thing back then.

Thanks to my dear frens for their advice. You are right. I need to learn to be fair to myself sometimes.

Knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if I din settle the matter. Whatever the outcome, I am glad to have done the best I could with His guidance. Que sera sera.

For some reason, the Chinese text input is not working in this laptop of mine. Sigh have been wanting to blog abt this nice drama lei. Finished watching "Qian Long Wang Chao" two weeks ago. I find that I enjoyed it more than "Yong Zhen", perhaps because I could understand most of what the characters were talking about (yes...my Chinese has improved after watching a lot of TV here). Oso, I like the fact that they include more of the "softer" side in the storyline by portraying the personal life of the Emperor: his relationship with his son, daughter, wife and mother.

But what struck me the most was the fact that I could identify quite a bit with the drama after having worked in the civil service before. The lead character, Emperor Qian Long's advisor, He Shen, reminded me of a former colleague of mine in terms of the concerns and challenges he had to face in his job. Of course, there are differences, which I reserve my information and personal opinion for private discussions. Nevertheless, I think these dramas are actually very good watch for those of us working in the civil service as they make you think and perhaps give you advice on how to handle some situations.

What do you do when someone asked to be reintegrated back into your life after walking out of it two years ago? Can you give him the benefit of doubt, that just as you are no longer that girl whom he knew, he may also have changed? I thought I had become indifferent, but apparently not enough.

You are the Grass Fragrance Type

You have very strong will, not dependent on others and gives an impression of being a lone ranger. You are extremely curious and sensual, living a clear-headed, modern life. At first glance you place yourself on a pedestal, and are difficult to get along. But once others talk to you, they know you are easygoing. And when the relationships develops, they realise you are affable. You have an androgynous charm, which makes you popular with all genders. But you don't like your weak side to be seen. You might look cool on the surface, but beneath it all, you are really passionate. Only people who know your true self can maintain a long-lasting relationship with you.

A good reflection from the sermon today. Re-written in my own words:

"There was once a painter who wished to paint the picture of the laziest person in the world. So off he went to search for one. At last, he found someone whom he thought fit the bill perfectly: a farmer who was tilling his land while sitting on a chair. Delighted, the painter immediately tried to set about painting the lazy farmer. Unfortunately, the lighting where he was standing did not produce a desirable effect on his subject, so the painter shifted to another angle in an attempt to get a better view of the farmer. When he did so, he saw that the farmer had only one leg."

Moral of the story: to forgive, one needs to shift one's own perspective to understand things from the other party's point of view.

Some additional thoughts from your truly:
Think there are cases whereby even trying to understand things from another's point of view cannot make you sympathise with their actions. Then, one must understand that forgiveness, like love, is a decision. It is choosing to live with the consequences of what the other party had caused.

Someone once told me that, frens may not be the best counsellors as they know you too well and therefore, when they give advice, they already categorise you into a certain mold and are unable to give alternative points of view that may be useful for your situation. While I think that is a bit of a sweeping statement, I found myself having to admit that it's true on a few occasions and thus stop seeking certain people for advice or even simply to be a listening ear regarding some matters. Their worldview and exposure in life may differ from yourself and while that is usually not a prob becos everyone is unique, at times it causes more harm than good to heed too much of their advice becos it may not suit the true situation you are in. Not that the party involved is forcing you to heed wat he/she says, but sometimes just listening to them use the same words over and over again to describe watever situation you are in is pretty grating on your nerves and at times, worsen your already bad mood. I am learning to be selective and not to let their opinions affect me so much when they need not.

Having said that, I do appreciate their concern and the sometimes hurtful words they use for my own good. It's not that I just wanna hear what I wanna hear, but I have decided to learn to let it matter only when it matters.

I think I am somewhere in between liberal and conservative in my spiritual leanings. Ey but then again aren't we all? But I am tending towards being liberal after I entered the Third Place. Not that what I consider to be the core commands of our Lord is no longer important. They are and will still be crucial, because that is what it means to have a faith.

What is starting to change is perhaps the way I go about things and oso in my sharing with other people. There are some things where there are no black and white and thus what matters is really the attitude in your heart as you set about being obedient. The manner in which you set about doing it may differ from disciple to disciple, depending on your individual convictions and proportions of faith. As the Bible says, man looks at outward appearance while God sees what's in the heart; I think that as long as you are clear that what you are doing is for His glory, sometimes it should not be so much of an issue as to how you go about obeying. The key is really a surrendered heart for God and a loving heart towards one's neighbours.

For instance, I used to think that Christians who question the very basics of Christianity as being "not Christian enough". I now realise that what I failed to see is their "heart": the fact that they are strong enough to want to know for sure and not just accept beliefs blindly. It reminds me not to be judgemental, but to test every spirit to see if they are from God. There are oso instances whereby self-professed Christians actually do not have God in their hearts judging from their actions. It takes the sensitivity of the Holy Spirit to discern the true disciple at heart.

Realised that I haven't been blogging for the past week. Well, part of the reason is that, a certain aspect of blogging irritated me. I have since accepted it with a sigh of resignation; it's not the 1st time. Sometimes, it's the matter of two sides of a coin.

Another reason is that, my life has been rather boring and there is really nothing much to blog abt nor update the readers on.

Just came back from Bandung for the long weekend. I have been reading abt the strike by the garbage disposers for the past few weeks in the papers, but it was a rude shock still to see firsthand the city that the Dutch called "Paris Van Java" (The Paris of Java) turning into a garbage land. Bandung has always been a pretty place as the name implied, clean and its air fresh compared to the cosmopolitan Jakarta. But this time round, rubbish piled on every street corners and there were banners saying that, "Currently Bandung is having problem disposing its garbage. Please do your part by reducing waste whenever you can." Think it just goes to show how everything in a society is interlinked and how actions by seemingly inconsequential section of the society like garbage collectors can turn political. I thought abt the road sweeper uncle whom I always hear sweeping the streets in the wee hours of the morning outside my grandparents' house in Singapore. Isn't it really insulting for parents to say to their children that, if they dun study, they'll end up as road sweepers?!?

One thing abt being a member of a traditional Chinese extended family is that, many a times, giving the appearance of having given something is oh-so-important. I may not be the most generous of givers, but I certainly dun see the need to show off whenever I do give. I oso dun see giving as necessarily a corporate thing in the family, nor a form of competition. In theory at least, the essence of giving shd be, "It's the thought that counts." In the reality of a Chinese family, sometimes things dun work out so beautifully. There r members of the family (not talking abt myself) who have been quietly giving in tangible or intagible forms all the while but never made a show of it, but they r just not appreciated becos what they do have been taken for granted and becos they dun make pomp and circumstance out of it. Just grumbling abt something that happened quite some time ago. Glad to release it out of my system.

Speaking of family, here's a late Mother's Day tribute to Mommy dearest. Din do anything special for her this year, just the normal stuff of helping her ease her load in the household chores area so that she can concentrate on the biz. Although I like to say that I have a love-hate relationship (as in "I love to hate her; she hates to love me" :p ) with her, overall I do appreciate her unconditional care and concern for me all these years. The thing abt any long-term relationship is that, it has to grow and evolve with time and I see that with my relationship with her. Here's wishing her health, beauty and happiness.

Been itching to try out go-karting for some time. Wanted to sign up for the SDU one but din have the time. Saw some over here, too, but erm... cannot play that sort of thing with your parents mah. Wanna try out white water rafting too. Anybody game to join me?

In the true Nietzcheian antiquarian spirit (Dr. Keck, dun u just love me for being a good student? heehee), I recall that today marks exactly one year since my last paper (Dr Lockhart's!) in NUS! And consequently, it oso marks one year since the 1st ever class gathering at my place, with unforgettably wonderful attendance and sizzling fun.

How time flies. One year on, what have I achieved? In terms of tangible matters, probably not a lot. Have yet to search for a more suitable job while balancing family commitments. Feeling a serious lack of accomplishments esp in comparison with my peers. Love-wise, Cupid missed his arrow. But, I noticed that I have grown spiritually, mentally and emotionally since graduation. Grown to understand and accept myself more in terms of who I am as a person while constantly striving to be better. Found great friends whom I care for dearly, though I am not by nature someone who shows it a lot. I have oso found solace in renewed old friendships and some very gd mentors whom God has put in my life.

Went with Dad to a bank yest and realised that I was last there two years ago, when I was in the midst of deciding whether or not to go for Honours year. Being there reminded me of a painful incident regarding a past relationship. Glad to have made the decision to go for Honours!

Interesting to pen all these down and see what changes another year will bring.

Maafkan aku, kedua teman-temanku yang sangat kusayangi. Aku tidak dapat mengucapkan selamat. Saya sangsi, apakah kalian akan bahagia?

Aku benci wanita munafik.

Aku rindu...

This post is gonna smack a lot of YH :)

It's embarrassing, but I just found out about Pak Pram's death after reading a Chinese newspaper. He passed away on Sun, 30 April 2006 in his house of residence, aged 81 and has been buried in Karet Bivak cemetery.

Pramoedya Ananta Toer was one of Indonesia's illustrous writers. His works concentrated mostly on fiction, with a few notable exceptions on the history of the Indonesian Chinese. He was seen as a threat by the Dutch as well as the Suharto regime later on and spent much time in imprisonment, where he also wrote his best works such as the Buru Quartet.

I 1st took interest in Pak Pram's writings when Dr. Aung-Thwin introduced us to his book, "This Earth of Mankind" in History in Fiction. As a person who spent some part of her life in Indonesia, I was spellbound by his mastery in story-telling and began to take more interest in the land I grew up in but could never really understand nor feel accepted in. So I began by devouring any book he authored and articles abt him, and later on moving on to other famous works written during the Dutch colonial period such as "Max Havelaar" by Multatuli, etc. He was even featured in Indonesia's 1st ever edition of Playboy, released in April 2006. (Due to a huge controvesy, the Playboy mag had been very toned down. It was so conservative that even other more established mags here like Cosmopolitan are more brazen lor. I checked it out myself ;))

The loss of Pak Pram is, in my view, a big loss to Indonesia's literary scene. On a more personal note, after researching so much about him, hearing about his death is to me, ironically, like losing a friend.

May 1st. Labour Day. It's not a holiday here in the Land of a Thousand Islands. People are still trudging abt their daily lives here under the cloudy skies. But not everyone. I am as slack as ever and it's getting on my nerves. Yet things we took for granted at the little red dot of an island cannot be done as easily here, for various reasons.

Security has been beefed up for the week due to the demonstrations. The streets are a bit quieter cos ppl are worried that things may turn ugly. I have been sent home and here I am, being the correspondent in charge of watching the news and alerting them if anything goes wrong. I dun think things will turn too bad this time, but the economy has been so slow lately that you never know what may happen. The fuel price hike might have been announced some time ago, but, like any other policy, it took time before the true impact is felt.

Some good points abt relationships I got from the web:

There’s a difference between romance and intimacy. Romance is about personality, and intimacy is about character. Romance is about the lure of surface chemistry, charm—your socialized self playing with somebody else’s socialized self. It’s superficial stuff and not necessarily long-lasting. Intimacy is about connecting soul-to-soul, character-to-character — sharing your real self with someone else’s real self — and that’s what’s necessary for a solid, long-lasting relationship.

Basically a relationship will survive not based on how well you get along, but by how well you don’t get along. A couple is only as “strong” as how well the two individuals can deal with their weakest moments together.