The Opera Populaire

Sadly I won't get to vote on May 6th.

Was woken up by a terrible pain in the stomach in the middle of the night. Rolled and walked abt, praying to aleviate the pain for a few hours. Jakarta is very peaceful in the darkness of the night. Serious case of diarrhoea. Feeling weak and tired out from the ordeal now. Pity those who suffer from regular case of cramps. Indeed, we should not take health for granted.

It is more difficult to make small talk in Indonesian. Language takes getting used to. Gossip indeed spread like wildfire in the office.

25 seems like an old age not to be married or dating in this country.

It was nice meeting relatives whom you never know you have. But the typical opulent Indonesian Chinese gathering is never something I am used to, nor like. Especially their wedding banquets...much more lavish than those in S'pore. Flaunting wealth when beggars throng the streets.

A small miracle to be grateful abt tonight.

It all started last nite, when we attended a relative's 3rd yr death anniversary at some lavish ballroom. Apparently he & his family had converted to Christianity and so the memorial service was conducted in a Christian manner. Kinda contradictory, though I was mildy comforted that the spotlight was put more on God than on the deceased. Still, my parents were not impressed with the whole service, reason being that 1) there is a long-term family dispute in place 2) the service was not well-catered to the large number of non-Christians attending it.

So this evening my mom kinda spoke against that service and then against the "fanatics", we Protestants to our worker, dragging me in and embarrassing me in the process. My 1st reaction was one of anger, then deep sadness. Once again I felt all alone in this, being the only believer in the family. I wanted to lash out at the perceived injustice.

But a voice inside pulled me back, telling me that it is more important to love and respect her as a mother than win an argument. My emotions din die down immediately, so I prayed and waited for the right time to talk to her. I must reverse the bad communication pattern that I am used to in order to connect with them. I remembered the verse,"Surely I will be with you, even till the very ends of age." Rotten as I felt still, I willed myself to believe in this promise.

Indeed, God never disappoints. I dun think I am a wise person by any standard. I was always at a loss as to how to form opinions in class or in front of some guys in our class. "Ask, and it will be given to you." So I prayed for wisdom. And He gave it to me. I managed to tell my mom nicely that I din like wat she did just now and oso state my stand on issues, at the risk of being branded a "fanatic".

They asked lotsa questions and stated lotsa disagreements, of course. Not all of which was successfully answered. My Chinese is oso not up to standard when explaining some things. But then, as someone told me once, our job is only to witness. It is His to convince and convict. It is not important to win an argument; it is more important to be loving. At the end, mom told me that, I am more Christian than some baptised Christians, which I take as a compliment haha.

In Indonesia, saying that you are a free-thinker actually earns you a bad reputation. If I'm not wrong this stems from the anti-Communist movement back in...1960s. As a result, there r ppl who put on acts of religiosity to convince the society that they do have a religion. It is inevitable that some black sheep give a bad name to a faith in general. Well, it is not my duty to judge, esp since I am new to the scene and only know things from hearsay. Yet I do pray for open eyes, especially in this country which is so old yet so new to me.

As the result of such incidences, I once again sigh, grateful though I am. I dream of having a Godly family where I can be my Christian self and be supported. But I believe I will emerge stronger from small adversities such as this. And that He has a larger plan in mind. If only feelings can be put in line with the intellect; things would have been so much easier.

Still, I am grateful :)

Went to a church this morning here in the hazy capital of Java. It's actually a Chinese congregation, the largest Protestant church in Jakarta. Thank God to Dad, who was the one to sort of "recommend" me to it, though he is not a believer. Apparently his fren had been trying to invite him there, but has since passed away.

The service was of course in Chinese, with Indonesian translation. I was surprised to find that their language standards are very high indeed. On the other hand, it has been ages since I attended such a "normal" service. Anyone who has been to my church knows that we adopt a rather informal style of service...have grown to love and miss that :) I am sorry to say I actually got a bit tired towards the end ...oops :p It was mostly senior citizens and they were kinda reserved lot...din even laugh much when the pastor cracked some jokes. Missed our crazy service at the Third Place. And, with such a large congregation, it is inevitable that people do not have much time to notice a newcomer, though I did fill up my particulars for them. But it was nice worshipping in two different languages. I cannot expect to go in with the same mentality that I was used to; need to adapt. Hopefully, with His grace, things will be better in time. Am considering buying a Chinese Bible.

Thanks to Robert for mentioning me on your blog. Glad for the readers to my blog, though I think I am indeed a very boring person. Adrian Mole said something abt possibly making his life sound more interesting by writing it down and maybe that is how it is for my blog. Crave for excitement, something different. But I am doing fine, really. Thanks for some people's concern.

I was flabbergasted...I actually own a Friendster account?!? Wenjie had long ago told me she found mine and a few days ago, a new reader to my blog wanted to be added to my list. I tried to log in, confused and found that it worked!!! The only logical explanation I could come out with is that I must have created the account in a half-asleep state and thereafter clean forgot about it. Or maybe somebody wanted to hijack my identity, for watever reason. Hehehe :)

It's been raining here. Exposes the increasingly poor drainage system in the supposedly most cosmopolitan city in the country. Just a few minutes of rain and you see the beginnings of flood everywhere. That hardly ever happened in the past. Maybe I should write a letter in English to the Mayor. Even if nothing is done about it (which is very likely), at least I will have done my part.

I think I am very shy. Takes a while for me to warm up to people, especially if I have no knowledge watsoever about the topic matter. Need to broaden my exposure and knowledge, though I dunno why I am so slow to pick up some things. I have also been encouraged to air my views more. Think I do have some good ideas, but when you dun speak up, it's as good as not having them.

It is natural for humans to want to know about their future or wat to do when they face some issues in their lives. That is why ppl go to fortune-tellers or consult astrology, fengshui etc. Even years after accepting the Lord, I still have that curiosity. In the beginning of my uni life, I went to a fortune-teller. It also took me a few years to stop having the urge to consult my astrology in the newspaper or books.

I don't think I could have made the decision to stop consulting those without His grace. At one point, especially during my darkest days in JC, it was very hard to trust in God and not in astrology. I needed a tangible comfort so bad, especially when I felt ostracized by someone I cared for and oso some other ppl and it was so hard to hear it from a seemingly generic book like the Bible. Fortune-tellers and astrology books made me feel that I could gain some control over my own situation.

I don't think there was an obvious turning point when I discarded those astrology books for good and embraced God's promises as my only source of comfort. The struggle continued for some more time. But I have since crossed the line and find it much easier to refuse to look that way. I am not saying that I have since become a saint or am above anyone. It's only that I have since recognised that God's promises are sweeter to my soul than all that. After all, we are sinners who were saved by His grace :)

上を向いて歩こう　
涙がこぼれないように
思い出す春の日　
ひとりぼっちの夜

上を向いて歩こう　
にじんだ星を数えて
思い出す夏の日　
ひとりぼっちの夜

幸せは雲の上に　
幸せは空の上に

上を向いて歩こう　
涙がこぼれないように
泣きながら歩く　
ひとりぼっちの夜
(wow.wow.wow.woh!)

思い出す秋の日　
ひとりぼっちの夜
悲しみは星の陰に　
悲しみは月の陰に

上を向いて歩こう　
涙がこぼれないように
泣きながら歩く　
ひとりぼっちの夜
ひとりぼっちの夜
ひとりぼっちの夜

An experience that shook me a bit today. Was left in the car with Mom when Dad went off to buy something. Suddenly something made me turn around. A taxi had knocked into a motorbike and the driver had fallen off his bike besides our car. I rushed out to help the driver. A small crowd had gathered around him, seemingly concerned. So I climbed back to the car. Mom kinda told me off. Said that I shd neva do that again becos I may get robbed if I do that in Jakarta. Crowds like to take advantage of accidents like these to steal things from the injured party or any other person who is caught unaware. Esp me as a girl. The workers in our company have reported of their things being stolen when they got into traffic accidents like that.

It's very sad when you live in a society such as this. When you fall down not knowing if your helpers are truly the Good Samaritans you hoped they will be at such hour. And when you rush to the aid of others hoping to help them but having to protect yourself against something out there that is out of your control.

Happy Easter to everyone!

Saw Audrey's email first thing in the morning when I opened my account. Very touched by it and felt rather blue after that. Sorry for not having the time to meet up with some of my dearest frens in the world before going off. Not that I'll be gone forever, but still, I miss you gals a lot. Audrey, Wenjie, Jingting, the squad... all the frens that have followed me from the time when we were in pinafores in St. Nicks. Though we dun meet up nor talk often, the bond is still there whenever we do catch up. Thank God for technology; can still contact you whenever I need good, solid advice :)

Thanks also to a self-confessed "friendly nerd" who has been messaging me. I am doing fine, really. Habit of procrastination is hard to overcome, but I am trying heh. Thanks oso to dearest cousin, Fern. Nice talking to you the other night. Hope things are going on better for you. Email me if anything ok.

Saw a very relevant article on Readers' Digest today: "Things You should consider before going into Family Biz". Very true indeed hohoho. Had been a bit xian cos Dad told me to start thinking abt my future. Isn't that what I've been doing all these while?!? Am sorry to say that I was impatient in response to that. I know the entire extended family has their own opinions abt what I am doing with my life and I have been less than happy at what I have heard so far, especially as all of them choose to air their opinions without even asking me wat was going on. Perhaps I do indeed appear unfrenly and as such, nobody dares to talk to me in case I bite. Sigh, guess it's something I should work on, esp as it makes for bad testimony. Yunling is right in telling me that I need to learn to be meek in Spirit. Yet, on the other hand, why am I always so affected by what other ppl say? At the end of the day, I have to be the one living my own life and as long as the only One I am responsible to is fine with it, everything shd be fine. The balance between the two is a challenge that I have to overcome.

Mapped out some options and thought abt future direction today. Realised that I simply dun pray enough abt the things that matter. Need to focus and pray strategically from now onwards. Oso need to move in some directions. May He show me the way and His plans for my future.

Dearest bros and sis in Christs reading this: thank you for ur prayers. Brought up the issue of attending church to my folks today and they said ok. Have to find a suitable church now. Thanks to Pastor for telling me the address of that church, but it is simply too far away. Pray that God lead me to a nearer church. All else failing, I can always attend the Cathedral, where I used to study here. Heehee :)

Did I ever blog abt my time studying in Jakarta? I attended a Catholic missionary school by the name of Santa Ursula. Mention that name and most Indonesians know it is one of the most prestigious schools in Jakarta. The Cathedral is attached to the school and I think both have been around since the Dutch colonial era.

I haven't been inside the school for ages, but I remember a big garden with the statue of Jesus Christ in the middle. There was a small playground with a tree that bore lilac-coloured flowers, which we as children love to gather. We especially looked for the flower buds, becos these were rarer that the blossoms. There was oso a open-air hall, called a bangsal, where we had to assemble every morning. The teachers would play patriotic songs and that was a signal for us to march back, class by class, back to our respective classrooms. On some days, we would do morning exercises there and I oso remembered dancing and painting lessons there. I had a favourite painting teacher who liked me very much and I used to call him "Seniman", which I din know was especially appropriate cos it means "Artist". Outside the bangsal was a bell which a boy would ring whenever it was time for recess or end of school. When I reached primary three, a boy from my class was put in charge of ringing it. There was oso a small library which I liked cos I've always been a bookworm. Our classrooms had that kind of old-fashioned shuttered doors and windows.

Nuns walked abt that school and I guessed some quarters where we were forbidden to go to were their living quarters. We went on some days to worship in a small chapel, which was a really pretty place, with stained glass and milky-white walls, accentuated by the white candles and colourful statues.

But my favourite place in the school has gotta be the Cathedral. The architecture is very nice, very close to those in Europe. It has one of those antique organs which made the most beautiful sounds. I liked to listen to it. On three corners of the walls were giant paintings of Jesus' journey to Mount Golgotha and the Crucifixion. A statue of the Virgin Mary holding Jesus after He was taken down from the Cross stood behind the pews, lit by candles.

As students, we had three sets of uniforms, for different days of the week. White blouse with red skirt / pants for Mon & Tue, complete with a red and white cap with an education emblem on it. This is the typical uniform of Indonesia. This is becos Mons were school assembly days and every week we had to sing our national anthem as well as observe 1-min silence for those who had sacrificed for the country. I recall seeing a poor boy who fainted during the ceremony and landed in the drain. Anyway, on Weds, we had to wear all white, with a checked green tie. White blouse with checked green skirt / pants for Thu, Fri and Sat. Yes, we studied on Sats, too.

I dun remember much of the lessons back then becos, I have to confess that I dun listen during lessons, all the way till JC :p Really! The only lesson I listen to was perhaps History and Social Studies, which explains my major heehee. My parents had to make sure that they asked my classmates' parents abt homework & stuff cos I just neva listened. Lived in a world of my own and I confess I still do, though not as much anymore hohoho.

But I recall the various class outing becos I never failed to embarrass myself by being a scaredy-cat. I was freaked out when we went swimming during my kindergarten days. I refused to watch the 3-D movie at Taman Mini becos I was scared out of watching movies by my parents bringing me to watch an action movie when I was two years old. One class outing I can never forget for some reason was visiting the house of General Ahmad Yani, which was one of the generals assasinated during the coup of 1965. The house had been turned into a museum of sorts. They even preserved the bullet holes made when he was shot through the glass door while trying to resist. Was very fascinated by those bullet holes. Remembered going to Lubang Buaya National Monument as well, the place where the generals' dismembered body parts were dumped.

Yup, yup. Just a little abt my past as a student in Jakarta. Hope everybody is doing well in the sunny island.

Have mountains of ironing at home to do. Did it while singing Jap songs and imagining spring with all the breeze and sakuras once again. "Haru ga kiita, haru ga kiita. Doko ni kiita? Yama ni kiita, Sato ni kiita. Do ni mo kiita." Was being a high-class housekeeper today, but Mom complained that the floor is still dirty after I swept and mopped the floor. The Jakartan dust and grime is scary!! They even have large adverts to protest against it, but what is the use? Smog and pollution is the by-product of the capital, which largely functions as a place to earn a living, not lead a life. You only know the extent when ppl troop back to their respective hometowns during Lebaran, or, as Singaporeans call it, Hari Raya.

Glad that I had brought up certain issues pertaining to management of expectation to the folks. Not easy for me to open up to some ppl ironically, but God gave me the strength. Glad to know I'm still given the choice. We shall see how things go.

Anyway, we came back to find out that Dad has this huge boil on his back which is affecting his sleeping and driving etc. In the true spirit of the strong, silent type of male that he is, he bore it all on his own without telling us all these while. I had to help him clean the bleeding and discharge. Glad that we had managed to persuade him to see the doctor and I pray that he comes home fine.

Saw the picts of Bro in Aussie. Really look punky with his coloured hair xia! And his earring completes that happening look tsk tsk. Glad that he is doing well there, though he complains abt the workload. The Aussie town really looks pretty.

Hope everyone is doing well over in the sunny island. My biggest regret is not to be able to catch "West Side Story". Sigh!

Back in Jakarta now. Will be temporarily unable to access my MSN. Am looking into it and hopefully it will be ready in a few days' time.

Hope to rise out of my habitual pessimism. Tried my best not to shed tears, with the result of being called having a "black face". I'm neither angry nor defensive. Strangely, I feel calm deep down, despite missing my dearest frens already. There are so many possibilities; why not be open? There are things for me to do. There is a greater plan for me to be here. As long as God is by my side (after all He did promise that He will be with me, till the very ends of age), why can't I do anything, anything at all? I sincerely believe this and hold onto the promise.

Decided to take a mini plunge, under the advice of my guy frens. I emailed him. Think it would be good to at least re-establish the friendship, after praying abt it. He replied back within the same day, sounding friendly. And another correspondence flowed. He mentioned the possibility of meeting me in Jakarta and oso of catching up when I come back. Should I? It is a tricky situation. Or am I being overly sensitive abt a simple matter? What is God trying to say or do through this?

Lets turn our attention to happier things. Had a nice time catching up over tea at Coffee Bean with Yunling on Fri. I am very blessed to know these friends from the Third Place, becos I sense their brotherly and sisterly love for me, being concerned for my spiritual life when I go back to Indonesia. They prayed as a congregation for me on Sat. Though I was really paiseh abt it, it gave me a nice, warm feeling to know that I matter as part of the fellowship. I have faith that God will be with me as I go back. I cannot express how grateful I am to you guys :) Must keep in touch wor. Yunling told me that Andrew asked her to tell me,"May the force be with you!" which really made me laugh!

Went for the Super Brain Quiz, which was good fun, despite being super exhausted by then. Dr. Keck told me he still reads my blog hahaha :) Realised that my general knowledge quite poor especially in the sports arena, but I seem to do ok when it comes to identifying pictures hiaks. Glad to meet some peeps that we haven't seen for a long time. I oso met my former colleague and she told me things seem to have gone downhill there. Oh dear.

Doctor was quite pleased with my medical condition! A wonderful thing to hear...praise God, especially after having to take a bit of seafood while in Japan. Haven't been feeling so good physically of late. But thank God for e good news. May the situation continue to improve!

Back to packing I must go now. Feel rather heavy-hearted for no rhyme or reason. It's not easy leaving your comfort zone, even for the ppl who matter to you. It is sad to think that things may change upon your return, but I have learned that that is the reality of life. The only constancy is change. It's good to know that God is in control through all these, though it is still not easy to handle.

One thing I find impressive abt Japan were their toilets. While not all were squeaky clean or free from the inevitable foul smell, most definitely were up to standard. I was endlessly amazed at the toilet bowl. Many came equipped with seat warmer, and you can actually adjust the temperature. They oso have those buttons with options to rinse your posterior, make sounds to mask unpleasant noises and also deodorants to disguise odours. And a lot of the cubicles have special seats for babies to sit on beside their mothers. I had read about these before going to Japan and had thought that these were only selectively available, but I was proven wrong becos they were actually quite commonly used there.

In general, I oso found the Japanese to be quite accomodative towards the handicapped, which I think S'pore really should improve on. The way up Glover's Hill in Nagasaki was equipped with escalators, which an old uncle in my group rightly pronounced,"Wonderful!" I saw many handicapped on the streets moving around with high-tech wheelchairs operated by machines. The Japanese oso seem to avoid using the toilets for the handicapped.

On a not-so-wonderful note, my Mom took some offence at the political statements of our tour guide, who was rather anti-China despite having learned Chinese for four years in his undergrad days. He made remarks such as his pen was lousy becos it was made in China; Japanese goods would never be so poorly made. And he said that the Japanese did not re-write or deny history; they merely choose not to teach those who are not ready to absorb such profound truth yet. Blatant statement of balderdash, if you ask me. Grandpa was extremely incensed when Mom told him all that, saying that he was so right in choosing not to go for the trip etc etc.

The food there was good. The first morning, we had the most wonderful breakfast where I ate the nicest whipped butter and strawberries. We bought strawberries all the way afterwards, since you dun get such sweet ones back here. There were also nice mochi along the way, some filled with red bean paste and one particularly nice one filled with red bean as well as sweet potato. I also tried onigiri filled with plum instead of fish. The ramen at Golden Dragon in Osaka was so nice and smooth. Wanted to try the octopus balls there too but the queue was super long.

Enjoyed the kimono show at Kyoto. All the designs were beautiful and so were the models. There was this kimono with lace sleeves and neckline! Mom was telling me that I should consider wearing a kimono for my wedding next time. Hmm...anybody wanna contribute to my kimono trust fund, copying Raine's Mulberry trust fund idea??

I won a Mickey Mouse soft toy after a quiz by my tour guide. He has with him a set of clothes with the calendar of 2006 printed on them and you are supposed to change his clothes every month to correspond with the month. I like him lots! The aunties told me to name him "Nikko" or "Ito-san", after my tour guide. But I think I'll stick to "Mickey" haha. He is the only one I allow on my bed now.

Ok, continuing from the previous posting on my Japan trip.

Felt very grateful for all my dedicated and knowledgeable senseis from back in NUS. Knowing a bit of Japanese really helped a lot during the trip there. I am able to read in both hiragana and katagana as well as kanji the building signs, menu etc. I was oso able to reply in simple Japanese when asked. My mom said that some Japs actually stared at me in amazement when I replied them in their own language. My tour guide flattered me by saying that I speak Jap better that the Japanese. He and our nice bus driver, Nakazawa-san, spoke to me in Jap and for most time, I was able to more or less understand wat they were saying. Well, I still have a great deal to learn and I hope to continue learning more. Right now I think my standard is probably primary school and they were probably treating me as such haha :)

I have always liked to go on boats and ships and I found the short cruise to Nagasaki a very memorable one. As the boat left the berth, three Jap workers at the dock actually bowed in unison to it! Then they waved and we waved back. The view was breathtaking, but none more so that the beautiful phenomenon of the segulls flying beside our ship all the way, waiting for us to throw bread crumbs to them! I videotaped them on my handphone though it din do the view justice. I dun think I can ever forget the sight till the day I die. It was beyond words to see them and I could only praise God for His wonderful creation.

I oso met two kids who found a special place in my heart on board that short cruise. I went out to the deck to find my Mom telling me that this little boy was talking to her and she was trying to tell him that she din understand him so she wanted me to translate. The little boy looked at me shyly and walked away. Just then, his elder sister walked by and looked at me with such beautifully innocent face that you can neva find in city kids nowadays and greeted me,"Jaa." She later tried to say something to my Mom and I had to ask her to repeat herself. I explained to her we dun understand and she looked at us rather quizzically but understood the matter at last. I loved the way her bro and her taked to us with the simplicity, not as strangers that we are, but as though they have known us for ages. As we approached Nagasaki, the little boy shouted,"Asoko miteeeeee!!!!!" Think it's so hard to find children who delight in simple things in life like the water flowing on the deck and the ship arriving at Nagasaki these days.

Met some very sweet old couples in our group who really took great care of each other, holding hands and all everywhere they go. Have always envied couples who managed to keep the spark of love alive till their twilight years. *Sigh*

As promised, here is my travel diary for Japan. Dun think I can condense everything into a few postings, but shall just highlight some nice and oso not-so-nice stuffs that happened to me during the trip.

The flight there and back were quite good. Ppl complain that SIA crew look down their noses at fellow S'poreans while worshipping foreigners, but I certainly had a good impression of them during the flight. Haven't been on SIA for ages and were pleasantly surprised this time round at their service. Watched "The Producers" and "Everlasting Regret" as well as tried my hand at learning a foreign language on the onboard TV. Scored 10/10 for Korean haha. When coming back, the crew cheerfully welcomed us home. Like those smile and cheery voices :)

The weather there was freezing at times! Was dismayed to find out that it was -1 degree upon arriving at Tokyo's Narita Airport, instead of the 10-18 degrees that the travel agent told us. But thank God we brought enough clothes. The coldest was atop Mount Aso, where the wind was so strong I nearly gave up and wanted to hide cos my history of having asthma made it kinda difficult to walk with the wind up ur nose. But I prayed and soldiered on and God miraculously stilled the wind at some points.

We arrived just in time to see the sakuras! I saw a few trees in China before but the sight of the somei yoshino sakura trees all around Japan was a truly different experience! Somehow could understand why the Japanese referred to dying on the battlefield as being just like sakuras wilting. It was also the season for tulips and we saw a lot in Nagasaki, esp in the Huis Ten Bosch Dutch themepark, which was a really pretty themepark.

Tried the onsen, too, in the way it's supposed to be done ;) Twice! After a while, you just put aside your inhibitions and it's nothing to it, really. Tried some wine coloured and smelling baths, electric bath. To the point of feeling giddy and having to rest. But I am still not gonna try the mix onsen. Hiaks.

Drank quite a bit more than usual during the trip. Bought a can of Asahi Dry and finished it all by myself in the coach, with the predictable result of needing the bathroom while being stuck in a traffic jam...of all days!!! Was praying and God miraculously helped me tide it over till we reached our destination hahaha. Tsk tsk. Anyway this nice uncle who was always drinking saw me drinking and kept offering me afterwards. Gave me Kirin Lager on our cruise and I managed to only drink a bit before feeling giddy, most probably becos of biological reasons, and had to retire to bed. Then he bought me another can of Asahi Dry and oso offered me a bit from time to time as my Mom watched in amazement. She has since started offering me as well :p

Gotta go now. Will blog more later on.

Minasan, tadaima. Just came back from Japan. Will be posting a blog or two on my experiences there. Overall, a pretty nice trip and I had the chance to use what little Japanese I learned in NUS.

Had a big surprise or rather, mini shock upon my arrival home. He had sent me a birthday card via snailmail while I was away. Asked me to contact him, too. Why? After nearly two years of not being in contact? He din wish me happy birthday last year and I also stopped myself from messaging him in Nov. Seeing someone who used to matter a lot in your heart in the street is fine, but re-establishing contact is another matter. I need to pray for wisdom abt wat to do.