The Opera Populaire

Ah! Guess wat I'm really missing is interaction with ppl! Weifen surprised me by asking me out to lunch today as she was in the area. And for once I din feel quite as alone in my desk cubicle cos the technical officer was sitting there trying to help me set up my new PC as I sat beside him typing. He was quite funny. Said that the IT support guys up there was discussing how come I have such a funny name...they were saying I probably married a Malay, that's why! And more than one person had said that I sure look different from the photo that NHB circulated in our Intranet to intro newcomers. I was like, of course, becos that was taken abt 2 years ago. The Malay lady in my dept asked me if I used to come by the archives before taking on the job, becos the Indian lady and her agreed that I just look so familiar. I get that all the time ... common face :) Went to my aunt's place after work and it was so good to catch up with my cousins and all. They proposed a meal tog on Sun. Forgot that I was tired until after dinner there. I prefer a job that allows me to interact with ppl actually but meanwhile I'm hanging on.

Meanwhile, anybody wanna watch Tim Burton's "Corpse Bride"? :) I dun usually initiate watching movies but suddenly I'm craving for one.

This Stephen...after having not talked to him for so long, the 1st thing he did was to ask if I wanna join his Red Cross chapter...again. Went on and on sending me his chapter newsletter, advertising how his chapter is catered to working adults etc etc. I must say that it is rather nice that we were talking over MSN and not in real life or the phone. Once he starts on anything, he doesn't stop until he thinks that he has made his point, which usually goes a long circle. At least he types slowly so there is only so much he can say over MSN kekekee.

I do miss doing altruistic work like 1st Aid duty. Those were the times I truly felt alive and purposeful. But I have my doubts abt joining Stephen's chapter becos he usually makes things more bureaucratic than altruistic. Though I do believe that even non-profit organisation like the Red Cross needs some form of administration, but excessive micro-management can be harmful to altruistic zeal, esp with a Chairman with such forceful personality. Besides, right now I dun have that much time (to know why, one must know how Stephen conducts meetings) nor the health to do 1st Aid duties.

I dun dislike my god-bro :) I have entertained him a lot in the past, so much so that his gf once asked me why din I consider him as a bf then. It's just that erm...think I prefer communication to be 2-way :p Stephen is a nice guy at the end of the day, having been the joker (who recycles jokes) who cheered me up during my time in hall. He once took a photo of my matric card and edited it to become "Underage Matriculation Card". Kelvin used to tell me abt the times when he and Mervin went to Stephen's house and Stephen would teach them all the ways u can win a gal's heart, based on his research. He always boasted that he won over the heart of the gal who wasn't looking around for a bf *roll eyes*

Been at work for 3 days now. I am officially the free-est person in the workplace :) Felt bad cos thot that perhaps I could have helped my this collegue more, though I have done my part. They told me I shd leave on time while I still can :p Sneaked off on time today.

Feel glad that they r such open ppl, telling me all abt certain working conditions there frankly, though they kept reminding one another to quit scaring this newcomer. This sweet lady in my department knocked on my desk cubicle and made this eating action to remind to to go for lunch. So sweet! My supervisor said jokingly that it's easy to recognize my footsteps apparently. Yeah I did realize that I walk very loudly for some reason. Perhaps I always land heavily on my heels, the legacy of my footdrill days. Better tone it down cos it sounds very irritating to me. speaking of feet, my feet is groaning under the blisters inflicted by my new pair of working shoes. Ouch! Then my colleque joked that I was scaring her, sitting so quietly staring at her doing her work, like a ghost. These made me feel a bit better cos haven't been feeling too great emotionally these days.

Guess sometimes u have done all u could but not everything in life goes the way u want it. Had internally rebelled against it, but now think it's time to let go and let God. Que sera sera. The ball is no longer in my court. I am finally surrendering.

I feel happy to see my Mom and bro again. He is leaving for Aust on Sat and already I feel like crying. It will be so quiet and lonely here from now on. My Mom said I am always too melancholic in nature.

You are constantly trying to make a favorable impression and endeavoring to be considered as that someone 'special'. You are pretty good at using various tactics and strategies that give the impression that you are in control. Maybe you are - but you are constantly watching to see whether or not your endeavors are truly appreciated. Be careful... just as 'you' may be endeavoring to influence others, 'they' may indeed be influencing you.

You are full of stress at this time. It would seem that you are having more than your fair share of trials and tribulations and you are looking for a way out. You are not quite sure which way to go but the advice is - 'Stop trying so hard'.

Circumstances are holding you back, forcing you to back off and to forgo all the pleasures, fun and games for the time being. But this is only a temporary situation and before you even know it the situation could change.

You feel that you must have co-operation from those close to you before the existing stressful situation can be improved. You feel that no-one understands you and this lack of understanding and appreciation makes you feel completely isolated. You need that feeling of security and would like to get away from what you now consider depressing shackles. You have that need to re-establish your own individuality but your sensual self-restraint makes it difficult for you to let go - to open up, but the way that you are feeling at this time makes you feel that 'Enough is enough' and you are prepared to give in. This disturbs you as you feel that this attitude is an obvious sign of weakness - an attitude to be overcome and so in spite of this situation you feel that in order to assert your own individuality you need to continue to practice self-restraint.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality

http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/index.cfm

Grr...it was a mistake but I still asked anyway. My god-bro finally got MSN account so I talked to him. Eventually I asked him how is my ex doing. He said he's fine and has found a new job. Then I went one step further and asked if he has found a new gf. He said no, but that Kelvin is thinking of courting his ex-gf before me!!! It's amazing how u can know it's over and understand in retrospective that u guys were just not right for each other, but this sorta thing still hits u in the pits of your stomach. Guess sometimes U shd really do yourself a favor by just trying not to know about some things.

Just realized that I haven't taken any meal at home since I came back a few days ago! Except for breakfasts that is. My Grandma is grumbling away about it. Hmmm... But it's been great catching up with frens before starting work :)

1st of all, my matchmaking plan for someone ( u know who u r hehe) failed, but guess at the end of the day we shd approach this sorta thing with the idea of helping others make frens and not expect too much. In the 1st place, think the chances of matchmaking working out requires that u know both parties and their expectations well. Chemistry between 2 ppl can be really subjective and not something outsiders can really understand at times. But nvm! On to my next "client"! Hiaks.

Woke up rather moody this morning for no rhyme or reason...has been quite chirpy for the past week. Then became even more moody after paying the bill for my thyroid blood test!!! I know one shd not skimp on health but these private clinics can be really exorbitant at times! My poor parents, supporting a kid like me. At least my starting work is putting one burden off them...can now contribute towards supporting my family. I could barely smile even though the clinic assistant was so sweet and chirpy, even telling me to rem to bring umbrella cos it looked like rain today. Hai... must get well soon. Health is precious.

As I whiled away some time by walking abt, I bumped into none other than Lorraine herself!! Woah gal we r really destined as frens yeah buahahahah :) Hope ur feet is fine now. I shd neva have encouraged u to get that pair of stilettoes. Sorry, sorry!

Then went over to meet Johan and Pearl for lunch. Had been terribly shocked when he messaged me upon my return that he had quit his contract teaching becos the last time I met him he was actually so happy and contented abt it. He is leaving S'pore on Mon. Felt rather sad when we thought abt how all our paths seem to be diverging now. Had a great time over lunch and chatting abt working life and catching up in general, though I have yet to do so. I always feel apprehensive before embarking onto a new phase in life and this time round it's no different, esp after hearing certain not so positive things abt the working place I am going to. But perhaps the lesser expectations I have the better. Plus I will enter with a positive attitude and try to face any challenges bravely. One thing I come to understand abt myself is that I never let pessimism get in the way of doing a good job of whatever I do. Meanwhile, I wish Johan all the best in his future undertakings. We will miss him so!

Tomorrow (actually today liao hahaha) will be spent on just relaxing...a welcome treat before working. ZZZZ...

Yup, just touched down a few hours ago. Feeling a bit forlorn as memories flood over me.

As the immigration officer asked me whether I possess Frequent Flyer card, I suddenly realized how these frequent flying to and from Jakarta is reaching its ending point. From now on, I can only look forward to going back about once in a year, and 2 week each time. What a contrast to the twice a year affair, each time lasting one month, affair it has been all these while.

I should have answered window seat when the officer asked me whether I wanted window or aisle seat. Then I could have looked out to see the vast expanse of Java as the plane took off, for the last in a long time. Even the perpetually hazy sky din seem ugly to me anymore as I strained to peek out of the window beyond the edge of the newspaper of the man beside me. I will miss the coconut trees, the sawahs, the huts as well as the concrete buildings, the crawling traffic.

I managed to sort of hug my Dad...something that I have never really done because I have never been close to him though we are so much alike. The thought that I will see him barely from now onwards, in addition to the times already lost, made me quite upset. I am even more upset with myself because all the times when I could have spent getting to know him better I actually spent thinking about other things. But outwardly, I am cool. Isn't it strange how difficult it is to shed the ways in which u r brought up? My family finds it difficult to show emotions, unless they are emotions of anger or amusement. Being a particularly emotional person, I have learnt to always keep it under the veneer of more or less cool mask in front of them. I feel more free in front of my friends to show such emotions. But such conservative manner of us traditional Chinese must be unlearnt at some point or another in order to better the bond between us I think.

The thought that my bro is leaving for Aust alone, without frens, is making me rather worried for him. He has never liked to travel and I sense that he will get a big culture shock upon landing there. After the crowded and lively SEA we live in, it can be difficult to adjust to a foreign city that is relatively more spaced out and quiet. But I guess everyone has gotta learn at some point or another, and this is his chance. Shall really pray for him.

Meanwhile I had been astounded to learn that he hasn't moved beyond his toilet humour stage hahahaha. It had been great watching funny cartoons at home with him, sitting in the car while he drove around, denting the side of the car a few times in the process. Parting is such a sweet sorrow....yeah right! I hate partings... it is always sorrowful to me. Whether friends, family or lovers, I find it difficult to let go of the people I have come to love. I 1st learnt the difficult lesson of letting go in JC, but it doesn't seem to get any easier, though I think the biggest spiritual breakthroughs always come during these times of parting. Guess at the end of it all, we gotta learn that people come and go, but God is always there with us, "even till the very ends of age."

Finally my family and I dragged ourselves to a bridal studio to take our family pict with my convo gown yesterday. Not exactly a fuss-free affair...took like more than 1 hour to decide the clothes to wear at the shot, make-up etc. At the studio, my mom and I were quite interested in having the package where I can dress up in a sarong kebaya, which is a standard that Indonesian graduates wear at their convo photo shots. But my dad was not at all keen so it was struck off the list. Kelvin used to say that he can imagine how pretty I'll look in a sarong kebaya *shrug*

I oso decided to take the risk in having my face made up specially for the shot, despite past horrors. This one made me look like the Cantonese opera actress, or Balinese legong dancer. My brother added insult to injury by calling me a ghost. Sob sob. Think I really can't carry off eyeliner. But the end result turned out better than expected, though my face is puffy from the thyroid medication, like Kym Ng back then. The price is quite reasonable too. At the end, the studio presented me with some wedding photo packages, which I took cos the lady was so sweet and polite in offering them, though I already told her I don't think I need it so soon. Really think the Indonesians have a very good attitude in the service industry.

Went for an eye check up for new pair of specs yesterday and found out to my great dismay that my eyesight once again deteriorated!!!!! :( Sob sob. Not many ppl know this, but I am actually severely short sighted. Sigh. Must be my ISM! Hahaha just kidding lar. Maybe it's time to change my desk lighting.

Oso having diarrhoea for the 3rd time since I came back??? Wah lau...this is beginning to sound like some sickness blog like that. I dun usually react to the food and water in Indo anymore what. Being healthy is indeed a blessing.

Being alone with your thoughts is not a very good thing. But I am beginning to find solace in God. Asking Him to help me delight in His presence, to realize that He is enough for me. It is beautiful.

I just saw Boi Boi's photos of the BBQ organized by the China module ppl last year. So fun then! So much has happened since then and we have all since moved on. Truly, time flies. Will be having drink session with some of the History peeps when I return next week. Think it will be so cool to catch up with them again!

We realized a difference in Southeast Asia and Europe when it rains. In Europe, it seems that rain is no obstacle to normal activities. My aunt's German fren gave us a rather surprised look when we exclaimed,"How? It's raining! We need an umbrella or something!" before going out in Berlin. But in SEA like Jakarta, activities virtually come to a standstill because of rain. Businesses temporarily becomes quiet because ppl din wanna walk all the way in the becek (roughly translated as "wet") roads. Ok, maybe this is more of a Jakartan phenomenon, not SEAn.

"The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plains." As far as I remember, it seldom rains in Jakarta. But I like the sensation of rain here. One can usually smell the rain before you feel the drops falling. A rusty sort of smell. And one of my childhood memories here is one of hearing the rain pitter-pattering on our old house zinc rooftops. It gave a sort of a reassuring sound, one that used to lull me as a child to sleep. Even the sound of thunder back then was somewhat comfortable as I lay listening to it, coccooned in my bed. I neva used to have the happiness of walking in the becek roads because of my poor health as a kid...the rain here is actually very dirty. One day in S'pore, as I walked up the slope to my house, I decided to throw all my tai-tai-ness to the winds and walk in the rain, savoring the sensation of the rainwater flowing furiously down the slope like a waterfall on my feet and the raindrops on my face and hair. Simply magical.

Yeah, just came back from the 1st dental visit I have ever been to in 4 years or so. The dentist said I'm pretty "lucky" to have almost no dental probs, considering that! Well, the cost per dental visit in S'pore is rather exorbitant so I always wait to come back to Indo to go, but that became subject to other factors like laziness or business :p

Dunno if the phobia of dental visits is actually overhyped. But today I found myself quite uncomfortable with that nurse and the dentist herself supporting their hands all over my face and eyes. At some point, I could barely breathe. I was beginning to kinda grasp their fear. But it was kinda amusing thinking abt how the dentist have mastered the art of understanding wat her patients r trying to say with their mouths "full". Perhaps it oso helped that the patients must have done like wat I did, compensating for the lack of intelligible words by body language such as nodding the head slightly.

The moment I saw the dentist's name, I guessed that she must be partially Japanese and I was proven right when I saw her. She was very pretty and as unlike either an Indonesian Native or Chinese as can be. Her Bahasa is perfect, but her demenour and looks gave her away as being not fully local. My guess is that she is like Shu Huei and Yuko, mixed Jap and Indonesian Chinese. My bro, who had just been to another dentist the other day, suddenly "remembered" that his tooth is "aching" again and wanted to go in to have her treat him when I told him abt her.

For some reason, I have been hearing the Corrs' "Only When I Sleep" everywhere I go...about 3-4 times to date liao. Hmm...I wonder why. Like their songs a lot.

Speaking of songs, heard the wonderful "duet" between Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole's "When I Fall in Love"...her part was added in after his original version. Cool! My mom told me to quit playing Teresa Teng songs; it's too tragic for her to listen to the songs of a departed. She was sighing away,"Such a beautiful gal. Such a tragedy." and then, in the next breath, warned me to be careful abt my dormant asthma.

A resolution: From now onwards, I shall be less selfish, worry less for myself, and care more abt other ppl!

Was reading the Chinese newspapers here when my Mom complained that most of the 10 page newspaper was taken up by 5 full pages of advertisement wishing the tycoon Liem Sioe Liang a happy 90th birthday. Think it was only some time ago when I saw that he was celebrating his 50th or so wedding anniversary, calling his wife the most important person in his life. The rich here lead interesting lives :)

I'm raring to do something constructive soon. Think long periods of idling doesn't suit me at the end of the day. Well meaning family and frens told me to rest my thyroid and take it easy and I have been following their advice. I am usually the sort of person who like to take things slow and not do too many things at a given point in time. But I'm kinda missing the sense of purpose in doing things. Sigh. Again I realised that I have been wasting time. Well, well. But guess it's neva too late to start :)

In the Korean drama "Winter Sonata", Bae Yong Jun said in 1 scene that a woman is the most beautiful when she thinks she is not beautiful. Is it actually true? The statement took me by surprise actually becos don't many of those Western self-help books say things like u gotta feel beautiful before others can catch on those vibes and think the same way? Hmm...it may take a lifetime for me to find out. At the risk of sounding like a bimbo, I am feeling very unattractive these days. The mirror pretty much agrees hahahaha, that's why I ponder over that statement by Bae's character.

You Belong in Rome You're a big city girl with a small town heart Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better? What City Do You Belong in? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

轻轻的我走了，

　正如我轻轻的来；

我轻轻的招手，

　作别西天的云彩。



那河畔的金柳

　是夕阳中的新娘

波光里的艳影，

　在我的心头荡漾。



软泥上的青荇，

　油油的在水底招摇；

在康河的柔波里，

　我甘心做一条水草



那树荫下的一潭，

　不是清泉，是天上虹

揉碎在浮藻间，

　沉淀着彩虹似的梦。

寻梦？撑一支长篙，

　向青草更青处漫溯，

满载一船星辉，

　在星辉斑斓里放歌

但我不能放歌，

　悄悄是别离的笙箫；

夏虫也为我沉默，

　沉默是今晚的康桥！



悄悄的我走了，

　正如我悄悄的来；

我挥一挥衣袖，

　不带走一片云彩。

My 1st ever Chinese entry :) I have always liked this poem by 徐志摩. I'm not a Chinese Lit or History expert, but I do appreciate them.

Rumours abound that Indonesia is expecting yet another bout of violence and protests soon. Such things always send chills down my spine, esp in view of how my family was directly affected 7 years ago during the 1998 riots. Really pray that things will be as peaceful as it possibly can this time round. I oso pray that my fellow Christian bros and sis will be spared and be allowed to practise their faith in peace. And I pray for comfort for the families of the victims of the Mandala airplane crash in Medan as well as healing for the survivors.

Despite certain inevitable grouses against the way S'pore is run, I always think that we have a lot to be thankful for over there. The efficient transportation system, the general safety, the cleanliness. The list goes on.

Hmm my trip back to Indo is postponed yet again...till tmr only thank God! I am beginning to feel like the boy who cried wolf haha. But this time it's for real. Just a short spell before I start work at the end of the month at the National Archives.

Brought my cousin to church yesterday and I must say that was the 1st time I brought someone to my present church. She visited the Salvation Army with me last time oso, precisely on the day when I was sworn into soldiership. Very significant day, indeed! This time round, she found our service very unusual, with much more interaction between chrch members during service and lesser time dedicated to sermon. And I was glad some of the ppl came over to talk to us after the service, inviting her to come back to visit us, tempting her with their home-made curry next week etc. They r really friendly and not cliquish, I find.

Managed to clarify some matters that were of no consequence. I was kind of hurt becos I can never get used to not letting other ppl's opinions affect me. Plus I just dislike gossips, esp when things I do get blown out of proportions and ppl actually are so heartless as to question whether someone like me can have problems. But seems that the Chinese saying is oso true, that paper cannot hold the fire...things inevitably surface tho u try to hide it. It's just that I prefer certain individuals not to know wat's happening cos they spread it not comprehending and not caring abt the seriousness of the situation, but to just alleviate their own private boredom. I do try to be loving to the individual in question, but it's proving extremely difficult all these years. Only God can help me. I will be fine in time.

Thanks to sweet Nadine who called me just now to tell me about the job at National Archives :) Now I know better wat to expect. Thanks oso to Kevin who oso helped explain the situation there!

The old uncle I always see sitting at the balcony of one of the neighbouring houses has passed away. I really should have been less shy and waved a noisier hi to him everytime I walk past his house. Now I will no longer have the chance.

The Classic Lover
40% partner focus, 28% aggressiveness, 45% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:
You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Classic Lover. The Classic Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is the closest it comes to the classic images of the princess in the tower, or the romantic and chivalrous knight, or the hero/heroine from a Disney film. The Classic Lover is a treasure to find, though it can be difficult to do so because they sometimes tend to be shy and/or difficult to successfully court. In terms of physical love, the Classic Lover again can be shy, and often needs more in terms of emotional security to feel comfortable than some of the other Types. Given the right setting, and the right lover, the Classic Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Romantic Lover (most of all) or the Devoted Lover, or the Liberated Lover.

Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST

My test tracked 3 variables

How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 12% on partner focus


You scored higher than 9% on aggressiveness


You scored higher than 29% on adventurousness


If you liked my test, send it to your friends!
The Lover Style Profile Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=8115472531704248346

Kena eaten "dou fu" today! A certain someone took the liberty of touching my butt! Not once, but about 4-5 times in all! The culprit? A certain little Eurasian gal by the name of Vicky :)

I have met Vicky a few times, but today is the 1st time she actually opened up to me and we had real interaction of sorts other than the usual courtesy of having to greet me as an elder when she sees me. Think I mentioned b4 that while I do like children deep inside, I'm clueless when it comes to dealing with them. So I would usually end up just smiling politely at them and perhaps pat them on the head once in a while to show my affection. Anyway, I was stuck for a short while with Vicky when my cousin had to get food for her. Not wanting to ignore her, I asked her wat did she wanna eat. She smiled cheekily and muttered something. I din catch it and asked her to repeat herself a few times. At last, she said out loudly,"U r an ah-mah!" in Chinese. Tsk Tsk tsk. I waved a finger at her. "U r a very naughty gal hor, Vicky!" And pretended to "slap" her. That was not the end of the name-calling for the day hahahaha :)

After a while, I suddenly felt someone's hand on my rear end and turned around to catch her. The little culprit ran away screaming. Though we soon tired of the game, it din stop her from sneaking up behind me to do that again. tsk tsk kids nowadays ;p She even called me a pig, all in Chinese. And she said I'm very fat. All in good humour, of course. I had the nice feeling of being let into the world of kids, so innocent, full of mischief, but never malicious. Think Vicky was getting more comfortable with me, so she could do all that around me like she does to my cousin and aunt :) I look forward to more of such interaction with Vicky and my infant cousin.

As I ponder and pray over whether to accept a certain job offer, suddenly I feel a sense of loss. Knowing that working here will cut an even wider gap between my family and I. Although I had always made an effort to go back to visit them every school break, I feel that I haven't been spending time with my family in Indonesia as much as I and they would like to. And now, the chances will be even more remote. From the one month there everytime to perhaps about 2 weeks each time from now onwards.

I begin to regret each moment I whined about why wouldn't they let me come back ealier in the past for some reason or another. Reasons that seemed so important before, like the various camps I just had to attend during school hols to more personal reasons like my then-bf, is making me feel rather self-centered. And I'm very sorry for the times when I showed them poor attitudes, not caring abt their hurt feelings at being treated so when they saw me so little. I'm sorry for not showing them more concern to make up for the lack during our times apart. I begin to regret heartily the fact that I spent more times worrying abt my own miniscule probs than theirs.

Although I know that staying and working there for good will prove to be a close to impossible task now that S'pore is so much part of me, still I'm not discounting the fact that it may happen one day. But not now. Yet... I'm sad for the things I'll miss out during our times apart, when my only contact with them will be the weekly phone calls and occasional visit. And the fact that my bro will be studying abroad means that our times tog will be even more precious.