Sunday, July 30, 2006
Looks like my plans may be changed again. Sorry to those peeps who have been so sweet as to ask when am I coming back. From now on I shall not promise any date becos it tends to change heh. I am one fickle-minded, scatter-brained woman who dun plan ahead, u know? :p
Realised that ppl have this impression that I play the piano! Today alone, two ppl I just got to know say to me with a lot of conviction,"You play the piano, right?" All along, nobody believed me when I told them the truth: I am music blind. Until now, that is.
江山易改，本性难移。Sighz... it's not easy to respect some ppl's decisions.
Felt down today. I can fully identify with someone's recent posting abt being lost to the point of tears, because that is exactly how I'm feeling too. Was just reminded again of how torn I am by circumstances. Where should I go from here? Why can't God give me a step-by-step instruction manual for everything? Sighz...
Change is the only constancy in life; I know lotsa changes are happening back in the tiny red dot of an island. I think I've changed too, somehow. C'est la vie.
Realised that ppl have this impression that I play the piano! Today alone, two ppl I just got to know say to me with a lot of conviction,"You play the piano, right?" All along, nobody believed me when I told them the truth: I am music blind. Until now, that is.
江山易改，本性难移。Sighz... it's not easy to respect some ppl's decisions.
Felt down today. I can fully identify with someone's recent posting abt being lost to the point of tears, because that is exactly how I'm feeling too. Was just reminded again of how torn I am by circumstances. Where should I go from here? Why can't God give me a step-by-step instruction manual for everything? Sighz...
Change is the only constancy in life; I know lotsa changes are happening back in the tiny red dot of an island. I think I've changed too, somehow. C'est la vie.
Donating Stuff for School for Street Kids
The church I have been attending here organised this volunteer work for this school under a flyover for street kids. The "school" is simply what you can see in these picts, just a large mat where ppl can sit down and have simple lessons. The teachers, who were volunteers from another large church with branches all over Jakarta, brought their own small blackboards or simply papers to teach the children. As for us, all we did was to bring some stuff that the church people donated for them. E.g. school bags, stationaries and snacks. Just a short visit but felt glad that we could give something to them, however small.
Indonesia is facing a crisis in terms of education. The funding on education is actually lower than Cambodia's. Already in the streets, many children such as these are running around begging at traffic junctions. Think these volunteer work is especially meaningful in the light of the problem.
In Jakarta, some homeless people actually lived underneath these flyovers. In other areas, rudimentary houses made from cardboard boxes or thin woods littered beneath the flyovers. Think some time ago, clashes occured between these squatters and the district government who wanted to evict them.
The children waiting in gleeful expectations for their presents.
A class in session. The children and teachers sat in small circles for different levels.
One of the boys. Found him very cute; liked his innocent expression.
A view from below. These gals came over with friendly smiles to introduce themselves to us and thank us.
Indonesia is facing a crisis in terms of education. The funding on education is actually lower than Cambodia's. Already in the streets, many children such as these are running around begging at traffic junctions. Think these volunteer work is especially meaningful in the light of the problem.
In Jakarta, some homeless people actually lived underneath these flyovers. In other areas, rudimentary houses made from cardboard boxes or thin woods littered beneath the flyovers. Think some time ago, clashes occured between these squatters and the district government who wanted to evict them.
The children waiting in gleeful expectations for their presents.
A class in session. The children and teachers sat in small circles for different levels.
One of the boys. Found him very cute; liked his innocent expression.
A view from below. These gals came over with friendly smiles to introduce themselves to us and thank us.Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Thanksgiving and in Memoriam
Coming from a relatively able family, I do take some provisions like money, food etc for granted. To the extent that I use them carelessly. But like anyone else, I do experience times of need and I am thankful for God to provide just when I need them.
Have been counting the number of pills I have left these few days and was just preparing myself to go a few days without medication as my uncle will not come in time with the new supply. Heh, see how I prayed with faith perhaps even smaller than a mustard seed. Anyway, I just went about my daily biz and sometimes forgot totally about it. Then, to my greatest surprise, Dad told me that this other uncle made a suprise visit and told him that he brought my new supply of medicine with him! Felt really grateful for his provision :)
I forgot to blog abt a little something that happened during the Rick Warren service a few weeks back. During the service, they made a small request for everyone present to give a certain amount for offering so as to help them cover the rental fee etc. I was a bit embarrassed cos I remembered that my cash was running low that day. I had asked Dad for a sum before service, but I needed to take cab after service too and can't give the whole thing. Just then, I opened up my wallet and saw that I actually had some smaller change that together with a part of what my Dad gave me, was a bit more than enough to cover the cost! Happily I slipped them into the offering bag and thanked God for the small miracle of the forgotten loose change.
Just to help exercise my flagging faith, I prayed on Sunday that Bro will be the one to call us for a change, so that Mom will be happy. He din. I felt a bit disappointed and asked God why? I thought my motives were right and I did try to believe it will be answered. Monday passed. He din call as well. Then, last nite, while I was practising music in the room, heard the phone rang. It was him! Hmm I guess sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers in the exact way we want it. But it's our job to have faith that in His supreme wisdom, He knows when is the right time.
Whenever I hear this particular classical song, I never fail to think about Ruiqi, who passed away in that unfortunate accident on Pulau Ubin in the 1st three months of JC. While I was not exactly close to her, we did keep in contact from time to time while she was in RGS. And I had gone to her house a few times for gatherings and a Halloween party. That was when I heard her play the song, which I like very much. She was an accomplished piano player, with a diploma by that time. My Mum oso always said she was really pretty and carried herself like a princess. Yup, in her lovely clothes, nice home etc, she did seem like a true princess. Only after her passing on did we learn about her background. She did not have it as easy as we had thought. I was sorry that I never took the time to truly talk to her and get to know her. I still keep the earrings she gave me as a birthday present so many years ago. And that hair barrette she so kindly lent me for an occasion, which I kept forgetting to return to her. Now I never can. Whatever the case, rest in peace, dear girl.
Have been counting the number of pills I have left these few days and was just preparing myself to go a few days without medication as my uncle will not come in time with the new supply. Heh, see how I prayed with faith perhaps even smaller than a mustard seed. Anyway, I just went about my daily biz and sometimes forgot totally about it. Then, to my greatest surprise, Dad told me that this other uncle made a suprise visit and told him that he brought my new supply of medicine with him! Felt really grateful for his provision :)
I forgot to blog abt a little something that happened during the Rick Warren service a few weeks back. During the service, they made a small request for everyone present to give a certain amount for offering so as to help them cover the rental fee etc. I was a bit embarrassed cos I remembered that my cash was running low that day. I had asked Dad for a sum before service, but I needed to take cab after service too and can't give the whole thing. Just then, I opened up my wallet and saw that I actually had some smaller change that together with a part of what my Dad gave me, was a bit more than enough to cover the cost! Happily I slipped them into the offering bag and thanked God for the small miracle of the forgotten loose change.
Just to help exercise my flagging faith, I prayed on Sunday that Bro will be the one to call us for a change, so that Mom will be happy. He din. I felt a bit disappointed and asked God why? I thought my motives were right and I did try to believe it will be answered. Monday passed. He din call as well. Then, last nite, while I was practising music in the room, heard the phone rang. It was him! Hmm I guess sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers in the exact way we want it. But it's our job to have faith that in His supreme wisdom, He knows when is the right time.
Whenever I hear this particular classical song, I never fail to think about Ruiqi, who passed away in that unfortunate accident on Pulau Ubin in the 1st three months of JC. While I was not exactly close to her, we did keep in contact from time to time while she was in RGS. And I had gone to her house a few times for gatherings and a Halloween party. That was when I heard her play the song, which I like very much. She was an accomplished piano player, with a diploma by that time. My Mum oso always said she was really pretty and carried herself like a princess. Yup, in her lovely clothes, nice home etc, she did seem like a true princess. Only after her passing on did we learn about her background. She did not have it as easy as we had thought. I was sorry that I never took the time to truly talk to her and get to know her. I still keep the earrings she gave me as a birthday present so many years ago. And that hair barrette she so kindly lent me for an occasion, which I kept forgetting to return to her. Now I never can. Whatever the case, rest in peace, dear girl.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Thoughts on a Friday Night
Made an incredibly stupid administrative mistake today. And that is putting it mildly. You are a graduate, for goodness' sake! Don't you know how to read? And fill in something as simple as that?? The fact that I wasn't berated made me feel like kicking myself even more. I can't look at that thing anymore; I hope they take it away by tmr so that I can move on from this silly episode. I realise I suck at paper work. Not that it seriously impair my working abilities lar; it's just something I have been trying to work on, esp since my last job demanded a lot of organising of info.
Got a long-distance call from this company which interviewed me some time b4 I came back here. I had been rejected for the position, but they now have another almost similar opening and asked if I am interested. Hmm my feeling that they were actually interested in employing me were right after all. But I think that one of my goals in job search ever since graduation is to get away as much as possible from my comfort zone so that I can learn. As such, I am not considering some options out there, at least at this point in my life, however tempting some of them may be.
It's being reinforced again and again to me that, you must be clear what your objective is at the end of the day; dun let inconsequential stuff distract you. Hmm. The sad thing is that it's still not clear to me. I keep getting distracted by issues of obligation. Being "cosmopolitan" is not all it's cracked up to be sometimes. Yet I try to pray that God help me enjoy the detour, however hard it may be sometimes.
I have taken up music lesson and am surprised that I am enjoying it. Maybe when you are really lonely and bored everything becomes interesting hehe. In his enthusiasm, Dad actually bought me the instrument even b4 I began lesson proper! I know I'm a super grumpy daughter but yeah I do appreciate his love. Think his real objective is so that I can teach him later! :p
Got a long-distance call from this company which interviewed me some time b4 I came back here. I had been rejected for the position, but they now have another almost similar opening and asked if I am interested. Hmm my feeling that they were actually interested in employing me were right after all. But I think that one of my goals in job search ever since graduation is to get away as much as possible from my comfort zone so that I can learn. As such, I am not considering some options out there, at least at this point in my life, however tempting some of them may be.
It's being reinforced again and again to me that, you must be clear what your objective is at the end of the day; dun let inconsequential stuff distract you. Hmm. The sad thing is that it's still not clear to me. I keep getting distracted by issues of obligation. Being "cosmopolitan" is not all it's cracked up to be sometimes. Yet I try to pray that God help me enjoy the detour, however hard it may be sometimes.
I have taken up music lesson and am surprised that I am enjoying it. Maybe when you are really lonely and bored everything becomes interesting hehe. In his enthusiasm, Dad actually bought me the instrument even b4 I began lesson proper! I know I'm a super grumpy daughter but yeah I do appreciate his love. Think his real objective is so that I can teach him later! :p
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
So Tired....
One of those tiring, heightened sensitivity of a few days/weeks every month, if you get what I mean :p Been simply unable to get out of bed even after my mind whizzed into action in the morning. And I have oso dozed off in the office haha. The downside to being a woman heh.
Was talking with someone about loving oneself last nite. Raine always tells me I have a prob doing that and I guess perhaps you are right. I have a prob believing that I matter, or even make a difference in anybody's life, despite knowing Christ. I always feel that ppl care more abt others than me; they would rather spend their time with someone else etc. But ever since I come back, I had been surprised and touched to hear some of my dear frens telling me they miss me and I almost always get the "So when are you coming back?" question. And some tell me so more than once! Thanks, frens dearest. I miss you guys very much, too :) And my special thanks to those who lent a listening ear and help in any form whenever I needed them down here.
But you know, human beings are sometimes the strangest creatures. When you are 1st put into an uncomfortable circumstance, you try desperately to claw your way out. But after a while you find out that you are actually pretty adaptable and so you make the best of your circumstances, until a day comes when you ask yourself if you really want to get out of it at all. Not as much becos you are sucked into the circumstances, but becos there is always a way to serve in whatever circumstances and I think choosing to escape is not always the answer.
Erm...I truly din know about the earthquake and tsunami that struck West Java until someone told me :p That should tell you something, shouldn't it? Haha that I'm safe and sound! Thank God, really, for sparing us twice in a row. Sometimes when you really think about it, you can't help but get the jitters at the close shaves.
Just thinking. I feel that a lot of my values and thoughts run contrary to a lot of ppl around me, those values that adhere to God. Sometimes to the extent of being called narrow-minded, conservative, self-imposed. Hmm. Now I dun think that "conservative" is a good term to describe my values, becos I dun base them on pure old-fashioned ideas. Sometimes what I choose to do is really a means to an end in trying to obey Him. Sometimes, it's simply an end...something I just believe cos I have put my faith in Him. Self-imposed? *Shrug* Perhaps. Depends on how you look at it. I was just chuckling while telling God,"We are very unpopular around here, hor?" Sigh. Oh well.
Was talking with someone about loving oneself last nite. Raine always tells me I have a prob doing that and I guess perhaps you are right. I have a prob believing that I matter, or even make a difference in anybody's life, despite knowing Christ. I always feel that ppl care more abt others than me; they would rather spend their time with someone else etc. But ever since I come back, I had been surprised and touched to hear some of my dear frens telling me they miss me and I almost always get the "So when are you coming back?" question. And some tell me so more than once! Thanks, frens dearest. I miss you guys very much, too :) And my special thanks to those who lent a listening ear and help in any form whenever I needed them down here.
But you know, human beings are sometimes the strangest creatures. When you are 1st put into an uncomfortable circumstance, you try desperately to claw your way out. But after a while you find out that you are actually pretty adaptable and so you make the best of your circumstances, until a day comes when you ask yourself if you really want to get out of it at all. Not as much becos you are sucked into the circumstances, but becos there is always a way to serve in whatever circumstances and I think choosing to escape is not always the answer.
Erm...I truly din know about the earthquake and tsunami that struck West Java until someone told me :p That should tell you something, shouldn't it? Haha that I'm safe and sound! Thank God, really, for sparing us twice in a row. Sometimes when you really think about it, you can't help but get the jitters at the close shaves.
Just thinking. I feel that a lot of my values and thoughts run contrary to a lot of ppl around me, those values that adhere to God. Sometimes to the extent of being called narrow-minded, conservative, self-imposed. Hmm. Now I dun think that "conservative" is a good term to describe my values, becos I dun base them on pure old-fashioned ideas. Sometimes what I choose to do is really a means to an end in trying to obey Him. Sometimes, it's simply an end...something I just believe cos I have put my faith in Him. Self-imposed? *Shrug* Perhaps. Depends on how you look at it. I was just chuckling while telling God,"We are very unpopular around here, hor?" Sigh. Oh well.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
An Intellectual Tribute to Someone who created this at the Drop of a Hat ;-)
Sitting silent before an empty screen
I ponder and wonder,
If you miss me the way I do you?
The moon shines bright in the still night
And separated by boundaries man wrought and defined
My heart nevertheless beats in sync with you
As you dream... in your Jakarta sub-urb
I ponder and wonder,
If you miss me the way I do you?
The moon shines bright in the still night
And separated by boundaries man wrought and defined
My heart nevertheless beats in sync with you
As you dream... in your Jakarta sub-urb
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Something to Think About
Saw something sad a few days ago. Was sitting in my Mom's office as usual when we saw this customer who is an old lady limping out. This youth in black leather jacket was supporting her on the arm. My Mom was telling me that the boy was so nice, that sometimes the people in Indonesia are really kind, helping others out of the sincerity of their hearts.
Just then, one of our clerks who had been serving the two customers came in. She told us that the youth had been bugging the old lady, who was his grandmother, to buy him a motorbike for a long time and so they made their way to the annual Jakarta Fair, where we had been taking orders. I am not sure how the narrative went, but something like when she wanted to tell him about our discount, the youth actually told her that they can talk about it later. Apparently, what he was trying to do was to pocket the difference from the discount that we are giving them, since his grandmother could not understand what they were trying to say!
My first reaction was one of indignance, coupled with anger. The youth actually had the heart to cheat his very own grandmother, who had loved him enough to take out her own savings to buy him a motorbike, which is not exactly cheap.
But after a while, I was sobered by the thought that it is not our place to judge. I oso felt ashamed of the fact that, there are times when I do things and pretended I really care when I actually dun give a tuppence about it. Just feel very sorry for the granny and prayed that she stay healthy and hopefully neva find out about the truth lest it hurt her. I oso pray that the youth learn in time to really love his grandma.
Just then, one of our clerks who had been serving the two customers came in. She told us that the youth had been bugging the old lady, who was his grandmother, to buy him a motorbike for a long time and so they made their way to the annual Jakarta Fair, where we had been taking orders. I am not sure how the narrative went, but something like when she wanted to tell him about our discount, the youth actually told her that they can talk about it later. Apparently, what he was trying to do was to pocket the difference from the discount that we are giving them, since his grandmother could not understand what they were trying to say!
My first reaction was one of indignance, coupled with anger. The youth actually had the heart to cheat his very own grandmother, who had loved him enough to take out her own savings to buy him a motorbike, which is not exactly cheap.
But after a while, I was sobered by the thought that it is not our place to judge. I oso felt ashamed of the fact that, there are times when I do things and pretended I really care when I actually dun give a tuppence about it. Just feel very sorry for the granny and prayed that she stay healthy and hopefully neva find out about the truth lest it hurt her. I oso pray that the youth learn in time to really love his grandma.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Blessed Combined English Service at Hotel Shangrila
I had a very blessed morning attending a combined English service with Rev. Rick Warren. Consisting of 12 churches and ministries, it was held in Hotel Shangrila ballroom. Expectedly, the service was super packed, given the popularity of his book, "The Purpose Driven Life". For me, it was a new experience to attend a faith-based function here on my own for the first time. It was oso an eye-opener to see the standard and size of the English-speaking congregation here. There were many Caucasian expatriates attending the services here apparently.
I was oso pleased to see that the whole thing did not turn out to be a "Rick Warren is our idol" thingie. Rather, Rev. Warren only appeared for a short while and the whole service was dedicated to Who it should be dedicated to... God. Thumbs up!
But I was personally blessed by the message of the service. I got many points and I just sensed God speaking to me so clearly during the service. God usually chooses to speak softly, like the story of Elijah. But I think there are times in our lives when He chooses to speak loudly, esp when we need it most. And speak loudly and clearly He did today. Here is a summary of the points I remember:
1) God has a purpose for me.
2) God's purpose is found in His promises found in His Word.
3) Think big, start small. (Parable of the mustard seed)
4) Alone, you can achieve nothing. Only God will enable you to do more than you ever think possible.
5) Never be complacent and think you'll always remember God's Word, but always consult and re-consult where it all is: the Bible.
6) 3 things that hinder us from moving out in faith: ego, fear and past failures.
7) Having accepted Christ as our Lord and Saviour does NOT mean we no longer have any probs. (Very true indeed. In fact, I get more probs after I accepted Christ haha.)
8) God has given us the freedom to choose. Most astounding for me: I get to choose which prayers get answered!
9) When God say no, He will change either my heart or the circumstance or both.
10) God more often work through those people who think that God can neva work through them! (Yay! That sounds so like me at this point in time!)
The above is a very rough note cos I din have any pen with me and by the time I am blogging this, I think I retain only less than 20% of what was said. Not exactly new revelation, but just reminders of time-tested truth. But what is important is that I feel encouraged about issues that I am facing, being refreshed by His love and promises. Was close to tears at the worship, esp when we sang "Blessed be Your Name", one of my favourites. It was oso nice to go back to contemporary worship after having traditional worships for a long time here :)
I oso felt very grateful for the pastor, Rev. Denny, who called me up during the week to welcome me becos he was away when I went to the church for the 1st time on Sun. Was oso very blessed by this nice Sri Lankan family who specially called me this morning to say they will meet me at the hotel lobby so that we can go in tog. God is truly nice to me!
After the service, I got to take a cab alone for the 1st time. Stood at the roadside for so long becos the hotel only allowed expensive Silver Bird taxis in. Some peeps who came after me got cabs 1st. Felt rather worried about potential snatch thief and esp when I saw some motorcyclists waving yellow flags, probably demonstrators who had been in action at the nearby place. In the end I managed to get the reputable Blue Bird taxi and scoot off to meet my Mom.
I was oso pleased to see that the whole thing did not turn out to be a "Rick Warren is our idol" thingie. Rather, Rev. Warren only appeared for a short while and the whole service was dedicated to Who it should be dedicated to... God. Thumbs up!
But I was personally blessed by the message of the service. I got many points and I just sensed God speaking to me so clearly during the service. God usually chooses to speak softly, like the story of Elijah. But I think there are times in our lives when He chooses to speak loudly, esp when we need it most. And speak loudly and clearly He did today. Here is a summary of the points I remember:
1) God has a purpose for me.
2) God's purpose is found in His promises found in His Word.
3) Think big, start small. (Parable of the mustard seed)
4) Alone, you can achieve nothing. Only God will enable you to do more than you ever think possible.
5) Never be complacent and think you'll always remember God's Word, but always consult and re-consult where it all is: the Bible.
6) 3 things that hinder us from moving out in faith: ego, fear and past failures.
7) Having accepted Christ as our Lord and Saviour does NOT mean we no longer have any probs. (Very true indeed. In fact, I get more probs after I accepted Christ haha.)
8) God has given us the freedom to choose. Most astounding for me: I get to choose which prayers get answered!
9) When God say no, He will change either my heart or the circumstance or both.
10) God more often work through those people who think that God can neva work through them! (Yay! That sounds so like me at this point in time!)
The above is a very rough note cos I din have any pen with me and by the time I am blogging this, I think I retain only less than 20% of what was said. Not exactly new revelation, but just reminders of time-tested truth. But what is important is that I feel encouraged about issues that I am facing, being refreshed by His love and promises. Was close to tears at the worship, esp when we sang "Blessed be Your Name", one of my favourites. It was oso nice to go back to contemporary worship after having traditional worships for a long time here :)
I oso felt very grateful for the pastor, Rev. Denny, who called me up during the week to welcome me becos he was away when I went to the church for the 1st time on Sun. Was oso very blessed by this nice Sri Lankan family who specially called me this morning to say they will meet me at the hotel lobby so that we can go in tog. God is truly nice to me!
After the service, I got to take a cab alone for the 1st time. Stood at the roadside for so long becos the hotel only allowed expensive Silver Bird taxis in. Some peeps who came after me got cabs 1st. Felt rather worried about potential snatch thief and esp when I saw some motorcyclists waving yellow flags, probably demonstrators who had been in action at the nearby place. In the end I managed to get the reputable Blue Bird taxi and scoot off to meet my Mom.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Boss of the Day!
Was made boss of the day when both my parents went for meeting at another dealer's place. Hmm think my life has become such a bore by now that anything out of the ordinary can amuse me hahaha. Easy-peasy work, or shall I just call them errands. Just pay some bills, allocate some documents, sign some documents... then spend my time basically making sure that the workers were doing their jobs and doing something abt the termites that kept attacking our water bottle box. The folks allowed me a rare freedom of finding my own lunch since they couldn't be back in time. So I walked to the next block and bought something. They asked me afterwards why din I just get someone to go buy for me. Urgh...is this country really so dangerous?? Maybe I'm just too naive then.
My years in S'pore had made me into an independent girl. Even having prayed and tried to prepare for coming back into a place where the culture is different had not prepared me enough. Think my folks get a headache abt me becos I'm always aching to fly away, unable to be a nice homely gal for long. Sometimes I think that if I'm staying here for good I'll seriously consider finding someone to marry just so that I dun die of loneliness and oso for a certain sense of freedom. Not trying to say that the folks are imprisoning me! Haha, but yeah I know those are self-demeaning thoughts and I believe God will help me find a niche here should I decide to come back for good, like teaching in some of those international schools sprouting all over Jakarta.
Meanwhile, still struggling and praying abt my direction in life. Ok, I must confess that I haven't been as diligent in praying about it as I ought to be. I am tired of waiting, but wait I must. Gracie wrote about waiting. Yeah, like all fellow quarter-lifers, I am waiting. Waiting for a job that will teach me a lot as well as allow me to fulfil my purpose in God. Waiting for spring to come. Waiting for that "one moment in time". How can I wait joyfully, in the manner that pleases Him and in a way that can be a blessing to the people around me? I am learning.
But I still thank God that my energy level is very high today. Woke up early, did my morning Pilates stretches and then did more work the whole day than I ever did here. Upon reaching home, was very eager to clean up the house. With my current energy level, I won't be surprised if I managed to scale Mount Kinabalu ;) Ooh, anybody can spare some time to go travelling with me? Do drop me an email or MSN me okies...
My years in S'pore had made me into an independent girl. Even having prayed and tried to prepare for coming back into a place where the culture is different had not prepared me enough. Think my folks get a headache abt me becos I'm always aching to fly away, unable to be a nice homely gal for long. Sometimes I think that if I'm staying here for good I'll seriously consider finding someone to marry just so that I dun die of loneliness and oso for a certain sense of freedom. Not trying to say that the folks are imprisoning me! Haha, but yeah I know those are self-demeaning thoughts and I believe God will help me find a niche here should I decide to come back for good, like teaching in some of those international schools sprouting all over Jakarta.
Meanwhile, still struggling and praying abt my direction in life. Ok, I must confess that I haven't been as diligent in praying about it as I ought to be. I am tired of waiting, but wait I must. Gracie wrote about waiting. Yeah, like all fellow quarter-lifers, I am waiting. Waiting for a job that will teach me a lot as well as allow me to fulfil my purpose in God. Waiting for spring to come. Waiting for that "one moment in time". How can I wait joyfully, in the manner that pleases Him and in a way that can be a blessing to the people around me? I am learning.
But I still thank God that my energy level is very high today. Woke up early, did my morning Pilates stretches and then did more work the whole day than I ever did here. Upon reaching home, was very eager to clean up the house. With my current energy level, I won't be surprised if I managed to scale Mount Kinabalu ;) Ooh, anybody can spare some time to go travelling with me? Do drop me an email or MSN me okies...
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Congratulations and Some Ramblings
A few congratulations due here :)
To a good fren who has just gotten a nice galfren... おめでとう!
To my aunt and cousin who by the marvellous hands of God delivered healthy baby boys. Can you believe that these two, actually of different generations, were born on the same day and almost same time too! Haha. And that means that I am a 表姨 to a Eurasian boy now :) Will pray that the mothers and children stay healthy.
Ok, on to my little ramblings as usual. Was quite enlightened by Robert's blog entry about us humans being complex creatures, just like our Creator, who is so profound it takes more than a lifetime to understand Him. In this time of solitude, I discover new and sometimes long-forgotten aspects of my character. Some of these disturb me, some I find rather pleasant. Overall, it can get (what else?) pretty confusing. But a good lesson to take home is that God reveal a lot to us in our times of solitude. And oso that we who have chosen Jesus as our Lord and Saviour ought to base our confidence on Him alone and not what ppl purpose us to be.
Carrying on from the thread of a previous post, while academics irritate me sometimes with their overtly theoretical thinking, I discover that talking to some non-academics can be a bit difficult as well. Because they just dun speak the same language somehow. Esp when you decide to get a bit POSMO and try to present another way of thinking to them when they are dead-set in a certain way of thinking. Guess perhaps deep inside most human beings are really stubborn beings with their own notions of things and again, I should learn not to take these too personally and get overly sensitive about what they think. And so, I guess that, judging from the above, spending 4 years in FASS really ruined me hohoho :) Made me too much of an academic. Maybe I should have studied harder and become a lawyer instead. At least I would have learn the skill of making black into white and so earn cash from it :p
Living here makes you realise that life is a struggle. Businesses struggle to snatch portions of that consumer pie. The poor and the marginalised struggle for daily living. Priviliged ppl like me struggle to protect their lives and their possessions, not to mention clawing for more. And many are not ashamed to use underhanded means to reach what they want. And yes, this includes Christians. Very sad reality indeed.
Most Singaporeans dun realise that they never had to struggle against a certain feeling of exposure, almost nakedness, to the bare elements of life. Ok, if anything, at least they dun struggle against the realities of racial tension or social hierarchy. You feel it much, much more here. I never thought much about something as simple as serving drinks to someone of another social standing or race, but I was reminded of it and have to bear it in mind. Patron-client relationships also exists, repackaged in modern clothing. We are late entrants into this age-old SEAn game, which stinks when judged by the cultural yardsticks we are used to.
To a good fren who has just gotten a nice galfren... おめでとう!
To my aunt and cousin who by the marvellous hands of God delivered healthy baby boys. Can you believe that these two, actually of different generations, were born on the same day and almost same time too! Haha. And that means that I am a 表姨 to a Eurasian boy now :) Will pray that the mothers and children stay healthy.
Ok, on to my little ramblings as usual. Was quite enlightened by Robert's blog entry about us humans being complex creatures, just like our Creator, who is so profound it takes more than a lifetime to understand Him. In this time of solitude, I discover new and sometimes long-forgotten aspects of my character. Some of these disturb me, some I find rather pleasant. Overall, it can get (what else?) pretty confusing. But a good lesson to take home is that God reveal a lot to us in our times of solitude. And oso that we who have chosen Jesus as our Lord and Saviour ought to base our confidence on Him alone and not what ppl purpose us to be.
Carrying on from the thread of a previous post, while academics irritate me sometimes with their overtly theoretical thinking, I discover that talking to some non-academics can be a bit difficult as well. Because they just dun speak the same language somehow. Esp when you decide to get a bit POSMO and try to present another way of thinking to them when they are dead-set in a certain way of thinking. Guess perhaps deep inside most human beings are really stubborn beings with their own notions of things and again, I should learn not to take these too personally and get overly sensitive about what they think. And so, I guess that, judging from the above, spending 4 years in FASS really ruined me hohoho :) Made me too much of an academic. Maybe I should have studied harder and become a lawyer instead. At least I would have learn the skill of making black into white and so earn cash from it :p
Living here makes you realise that life is a struggle. Businesses struggle to snatch portions of that consumer pie. The poor and the marginalised struggle for daily living. Priviliged ppl like me struggle to protect their lives and their possessions, not to mention clawing for more. And many are not ashamed to use underhanded means to reach what they want. And yes, this includes Christians. Very sad reality indeed.
Most Singaporeans dun realise that they never had to struggle against a certain feeling of exposure, almost nakedness, to the bare elements of life. Ok, if anything, at least they dun struggle against the realities of racial tension or social hierarchy. You feel it much, much more here. I never thought much about something as simple as serving drinks to someone of another social standing or race, but I was reminded of it and have to bear it in mind. Patron-client relationships also exists, repackaged in modern clothing. We are late entrants into this age-old SEAn game, which stinks when judged by the cultural yardsticks we are used to.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
One Moment in Time
Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown
I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains
I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity
I've lived to be
The very best I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands
Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity
You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine
Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown
I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains
I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity
I've lived to be
The very best I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands
Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity
You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine
Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free
A bit about my life now...
Finally I managed to go to the church that Pastor Alvin told me about. It's located in one of those newly-built shophouse complexes that are all over Jakarta these days. I emailed the pastor, Rev. Denny, a week ago in super awkward Bahasa Indonesia (hey, the last time I ever wrote an Indonesian composition was like more than 16 years ago!). He replied back in good English! Though he was away for a conference today, I learned that he had actually studied in S'pore.
The whole congregation spoke English and service was conducted in English. It was a rather United Nations congregation, comprising mostly of Indonesian Chinese, some Indians and oso one Japanese, I think. The service was in traditional Methodist manner, with hymns etc. Hmm... I still miss contemporary worship but having attended Catholic missionary schools for most part of my life, I do like hymns too.
Anyway, I found the people very frenly and actually opened up despite not being in a particularly good mood these days. A very nice lady showed and introduced us newcomers around, the ppl actually bother to remember my name and introduce themselves afterwards. This nice Indian family even said I could join them for lunch and they could drive me home. Another lady oso asked me to let her know if I need transport to Hotel Shangrilla next Sun where there will be a combined English service (Rev. Rick Warren will be preaching!!). I find it easier to integrate, at least for 1st impression-wise, having come from a "cosmopolitan" background myself. Thanks be to Him. Lets see where God takes me from here.
Caught sight of a large poster flag advertising Zara sale here after lunch!! Mom and I insisted and "bullied" my Dad into letting us go into the shopping mall to take a look. Haha we are such Zara fans! Just like Weijin. I find that their working attire suits me; I can never find suitable shirts elsewhere. But after the "attention" I got from the guys during Keong's birthday when I wore a Zara shirt, I may just consider erm...making the shirt less provocative. Anyway, thanks a million to Fern, who took the trouble to help me buy a top from the sale in S'pore :p
On the note of shopping, factory outlets seem to be sprouting all over Indonesia, following the example of Bandung. When we went there last month, we found that they are selling more high-class brand e.g. Old Navy and Abercrombie & Fitch etc, for export I think. They sell very cheaply indeed and I was very satisfied with my purchase of Old Navy boxer shorts and pyjama pants.
So sad...looks like Brazil lost the chance to win the World Cup this year! Man, I wish I could have watched the matches with some peeps my age with beer and the works.
Oso wanna thank God for healing me from the most serious diarrhoea I've ever had in my life. Had to go to the doctor for a jab. I neva knew I actually had so much fluids in my body to lose, but nvm. Lets just stop at this heehee ;-p Thank God that I actually din feel weak or dizzy in the least, and that I was well again the next day.
The whole congregation spoke English and service was conducted in English. It was a rather United Nations congregation, comprising mostly of Indonesian Chinese, some Indians and oso one Japanese, I think. The service was in traditional Methodist manner, with hymns etc. Hmm... I still miss contemporary worship but having attended Catholic missionary schools for most part of my life, I do like hymns too.
Anyway, I found the people very frenly and actually opened up despite not being in a particularly good mood these days. A very nice lady showed and introduced us newcomers around, the ppl actually bother to remember my name and introduce themselves afterwards. This nice Indian family even said I could join them for lunch and they could drive me home. Another lady oso asked me to let her know if I need transport to Hotel Shangrilla next Sun where there will be a combined English service (Rev. Rick Warren will be preaching!!). I find it easier to integrate, at least for 1st impression-wise, having come from a "cosmopolitan" background myself. Thanks be to Him. Lets see where God takes me from here.
Caught sight of a large poster flag advertising Zara sale here after lunch!! Mom and I insisted and "bullied" my Dad into letting us go into the shopping mall to take a look. Haha we are such Zara fans! Just like Weijin. I find that their working attire suits me; I can never find suitable shirts elsewhere. But after the "attention" I got from the guys during Keong's birthday when I wore a Zara shirt, I may just consider erm...making the shirt less provocative. Anyway, thanks a million to Fern, who took the trouble to help me buy a top from the sale in S'pore :p
On the note of shopping, factory outlets seem to be sprouting all over Indonesia, following the example of Bandung. When we went there last month, we found that they are selling more high-class brand e.g. Old Navy and Abercrombie & Fitch etc, for export I think. They sell very cheaply indeed and I was very satisfied with my purchase of Old Navy boxer shorts and pyjama pants.
So sad...looks like Brazil lost the chance to win the World Cup this year! Man, I wish I could have watched the matches with some peeps my age with beer and the works.
Oso wanna thank God for healing me from the most serious diarrhoea I've ever had in my life. Had to go to the doctor for a jab. I neva knew I actually had so much fluids in my body to lose, but nvm. Lets just stop at this heehee ;-p Thank God that I actually din feel weak or dizzy in the least, and that I was well again the next day.
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