Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Muses

Looks like most of my frens have been too busy to blog. Used to envy those who were free when I was working, but now that I am bumming, I envy those who are working. Although I do understand that many of us quarter-lifers are struggling in our chosen careers, love or just life in general. So there is some comfort in the fact that we are all in this together.

It's not that I dunno what I want. It's just that I either dunno how to go about getting it, or cannot get it for reasons of competency etc. But at least, it's helping me narrow down options. And I am blessed that, even though biz is slow down here in Indonesia, I can still afford to bum. Even though I am increasingly feeling uncomfortable with it. But hey, there is a price to be paid for not conforming. I still can't help but get very affected when ppl call me immature etc and I do agree that I am a late bloomer by any standards. And my situation is unique, having to always straddle between living in two countries. Can I comfort myself by calling myself cosmopolitan? Heehee.

Saw something which both amused me (in the WOW sense) and oso sobered me on Sun. We went up to the nearby small city of Bogor and had lunch at this simple cafes you find all over Indonesia. Apparently their food attracted ppl from far away.

Anyway, there was a middle-aged pengamen (the equivalent of a busker) there playing guitar. I din take much notice of him at first, pengamens being aplenty here and most of them dun sing particularly well; they are usually just looking for money and will move on once you hand them some loose change. But soon I realised that he sang very, very well. He could sing those nice English country songs like "Take Me Home Country Road" and oso Indonesian songs proficiently! With his skills, he should be on stage, not in that little dilapidated cafe! My parents and I were endlessly fascinated by him. We wondered abt his background but din get the chance to speak to him. It made me think about wasting potential...something I fear and something that is happening to me now. Some circumstances beyond his control had perhaps happened to him to make him have to make his living as an ordinary pengamen instead of performing onstage in some big cities that his skills should have taken him. For me, the saddest thing is that I have the means but I neva fully make use of what I have. That is yet another wake up call. Anyhow I wish him the best in his life's endevour.

On another matter. I do appreciate advice etc, even though I may react in a stubborn way at 1st sometimes. But I just dun understand some so-called academics at times. Sometimes I think being in FASS trained us to think too theoretically, thinking we can understand things without experiencing them ourselves. We think too much like a hedgehog (for details, read the Saturday edition of The Straits Times Review section), rejecting any other information that strike us as not in line with what we see things to be. I dun engage in debates and discussions like many of my former classmates do, but I think I do have valid points of view to contribute and I dislike it when I get dismissed, esp when it's my own matter at stake. And, esp when the person's information is outdated or when he/she doesn't even attempt to see things from another angle, though I've explained it many times. But sigh...I guess that's the way things are and I just gotta react in a Godly way, hard as it may be sometimes. Maybe engineers and scientists are easier to befriend. At least they dun think in such complicated manners heehee :p

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Time of Our Lives

(Il Divo featuring: Toni Braxton)
Official Song, FIFA World Cup Germany 2006
There was a dream
Long time ago
There was a dream
Destined to grow

Hacerse pasion
Con fuego abrazar
El deseo de dar sin fin
El deseo de ganar

For a lifetime
Of heartbreaks
That brought us here today
We will go all the way
And, it feels like we're having
The time of our lives
Let's light the fire, find the plain
Let's come together as one in the same
'Cause it feels like we're having
The time of our lives
We'll find the glory in the game
All that we are, for all that we are
For the time of our lives

Hoy es el dia
Es la pasion de triunfar
Para hacer realidad el destino que soñabamos conseguir
Una vida de lucha nos trajo hasta aqui
Y llegare hasta el final (Heaven knows...)

’Cause it feels like we’re having the time of our lives
Juntos, unidos, triunfara nuestro deseo de ser el major
’Cause it feels like we’re having the time of our lives
Hasta la gloria, junto a ti,
Llego el momento de la verdad
El momento llego
Y ya nunca jamas lo podre olvidar...

'Cause it feels like we’re having ('cause it feels...like we're having...)
The time of our lives
Juntos, unidos, triunfara (juntos, unidos, triunfara...)
Nuestro deseo de ser el mejor
’Cause it feels like we’re having ('cause it feels...like we're having...)
The time of our lives Hasta la gloria, junto a ti,
El momento llego
El momento llego (Oh!...)
We'll find the glory (Find the glory...)
In the end (In the end...)
For all that we are
For everything that we wanna be and all that we are
For the time of our lives
For the time of our lives...
Oh...

Friday, June 23, 2006

I struggle to see God amidst all these.
I miss being with people my age.
I need fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ.
I dun think marriage is meant for me, becos I am so melancholic, selfish and I dun adjust well to being tied down, at least at this point in time.
I wish I am born a guy, becos only then can I have freedom.
There is a heavy price to be paid for not conforming indeed...

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

关于爱情的杂想

春が来いた has been the theme song for many of my friends lately. Some has managed to move on from their previous walking wounded state to find new love and others have decided to move from the dating phase to a marriage.

But, was reading blogs this morning when I came across a particularly sad entry of one of my frens who recently broke up. Gal (I hope you know who you are ;), you have my sympathies as someone who had once gone through the very same pain. I pray that you continue to lean on God during this difficult time. Though I must say that till today, the pain inflicted by my past relationship continues to bother me from time to time, I hope you learn and grow spiritually from this experience.

She is not the only one. I feel bad being absorbed in my own issues and not giving enough concern to my other frens who may need any sort of pick-me-up that I should have otherwise offered. Hope you are all coping...

It is very hurting when you get used to someone in your life, give portions of your feelings and time and want things to work out, but for some reason or another, things just dun. Some frens have been telling me their worries about not being able to love someone else as deeply next time. Sigh. A very sad, but hard reality. I think that only by being able to allow God to heal that hurt can you truly be set free from that baggage in the past. In a sense, it's as much about forgiveness as well as expectation management. You may never find another person like that one who had left. This may be good rather than bad in some cases, hard as it may be to see it that way in the midst of all that hurt and pain. Cliched as it may sound, I do see a lot of cases where ppl meet more suitable partners later on. It is important to first heal, then manage expectations and be ready for that someone.

Moving on is never easy. I salute ppl who are still frens with those who once meant a lot to them, but sometimes I dun think it's the wisest course of action to take. In some cases, certain probs remain and by maintaining contact, you open yourself to the danger of being wounded for longer than it should have been. Cruel as it may sound, I think we should not depend too much on our emotions in handling matters of the heart, but learn to "love smart" and understand, with time and experience, where the possible pitfalls may be and avoid them. This is different from building fences around your heart and not daring to love someone else as much as the other!

I think that love is also a matter of timing. A very true quote from Chinese actress 周迅 (读者文摘, 2006 年 2 月) :"两个人再不合适的时间碰到不行,在合适的时间碰到但不同路也不行;必须天行,地利,人和,碰到了,在一起了, 才可一起一辈子。“ 笔者在这里有关此事的逆耳忠言想说,但最后还是决定不提了。

Heh, din actually wanna blog (have been having thots abt closing down my blog lately) but still blogged such a lot!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Art

Yesterday I picked up a pencil and did what I haven't done for eternity: draw. It used to be my favourite pastime. Every afternoon I would sit at my mother's desk (we used to stay above the shop, before the place was burnt in 1998) and proceed to sketch real life subjects such as horses, or copy those Japanese manga girls with huge, watery eyes. Sometimes I would try water colours. Had one of those palette that you can put a thumb in to hold it in place just like what those typical caricature of artists use. But I dun do well here hehe.

All I was thinking of at that moment yesterday was how to draw those nice roses in the 1970s Japanese cult manga "The Rose of Versailles". I haven't read the manga yet, though I had seen the advertisement for it long ago and was interested. This Japanese theatre group, Takarazuka Revue, had apparently re-staged the musical adapted from the manga after a hiatus of five years in February.

Hmm...think I shall pick up new artistic skills like pottery etc.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Copying your idea, gal ;)

I once developed a taste for rice gruel. Like the Chinese story, I liked holding the bowl of gruel in my hands, smelling the aroma of the food from others' tables and imagining that the gruel is that of delicious steamed chicken, stir-fried beef or perhaps those tasty eel with vegetables.

People told me gruel is not good for my health. Not enough nutrition, only for basic sustenance. But I didn't mind. I couldn't imagine anything more delicious. True enough, the gruel did give me health problems at times, but I stuck on, held fast by my own liking for its pared-down taste.

Then one day, the tent that handed out the rice gruel decided to close. I had no choice but to go for other types of food. Over time, I was nourished by their nutrition as well as delicious taste and gradually lost the taste for rice gruel.

Recently, the tent re-opened and rice gruel is once again available. I haven't been near it enough to find out. But maybe, just maybe, the rice gruel has been improved, made into good preserved egg and pork porridge? Or maybe they have decided to change the rice used to fragrant Thai rice? I have decided not to patronise the tent though. Perhaps I may sit down and have a cup of tea with the person handing out the rice gruel some day...just the tea, though. Not the gruel.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Just a Little Update of Sorts...

Cooked pasta for the 3rd time just now and I finally found a good formula for...I think you can call it bolognaise pasta, though if I had added chili, it would have been a rather nice arrabiatta somewhat reminiscent of the one they cooked at Angel's cafe at SRC :) Lorraine is right...cooking is therapeutic, though I dun think I have talent for it like some of the ppl I know. Next, I wanna try out tomato fried rice when I have the chance. It is a Dutch-style dish that is still widely served in East Java. Saw Weijian cook it back in hall and I think it's relatively easy to do, just that I'll add chili.

Dunno if anyone ever heard of J.Co Donuts? Think it comes from the US. It just arrived in Indonesia and is selling like hotcakes (pardon the pun hehe). Braved the queue twice and I find it quite delicious, esp when you eat it immediately.

Had a nice time at the wet market in the Pluit district yesterday, a place dominated by Chinese, especially those who came from Medan. The place is filled with stalls selling great-tasting food and is always crowded on weekend mornings. Realised that goods from China is increasingly flooding the market everywhere, there included. Parents spent a long time at a stall selling goods from DVDs to Chinese knee guard and this nice brand of toohpaste called Maxam. While eating, a man came bringing a large bag and tried to sell us many made-in-China stuff like medicine to calculators. Had a feeling that was proven true when he spoke to his fren: he is a Henghua, like us. Looks like many Henghuas are coming to Jakarta to try to make a living these days. There are a few living in my apartment and we are well-acquainted with one who set up a restaurant serving Henghua dishes, also in the above-mentioned district. For all we know, in the future Henghua may become the prevalent dialect in Jakarta instead of Hakka or Hokkiens...haha.

In case the many mentions of food lead the readers to think Jenn must be ballooning in size, I have actually slimmed down. Hmm not good. Shd put on a bit of flesh again.

Anyway, I oso realised that people here are increasingly learning to speak Mandarin, after years of suppression under the Suharto regime. I first heard a pribumi (Native) speak to me in Chinese five years ago in Bali, which I dismissed as being typical of a place that relies so heavily on tourism for a living. But soon, there were other instances of pribumis speaking to me in Mandarin, like this guy who used to work in the minimart downstairs complimenting me on my looks in Chinese, the peddlers at Mount Tangkuban Perahu who told us their wares were very pian yi and made my parents so happy with their proficiency in Chinese that my Mom actually conceded to buy the trinkets from them and oso the peddlers who said,"Bai tu! Bai tu!" to me yesterday when I couldn't resist looking at their cute baby rabbits.

My parents have asked if I wanna go abt doing something and I just told them, after some deliberation, that I'm fine with it. Lets wait and see if it takes off... Will be quite interesting if it does.

Driving here can be bad for your nerves for those of us used to the safe and predictable roads in S'pore. Not only do you have to contend with other (sometimes reckless) drivers who cut into your lane, refuse to give way even when you have the right to it, etc etc, you cannot afford to let your eyes wander because there are always pedestrians who decide to cross the road at will (zebra crossings here are as good as non-existent), peddlers who slowly push their wares on the roads (we dun have much pedestrian paths), motorcycles who weave in and out of every gap in between cars etc. Very different from the Japanese, who are very courteous drivers just like the British. I rarely, if ever, heard any honking then.

Saw a pict of Bro on his Friendster last nite. His dressing and hair made him look a lot like Bae Yong Joon xia...hahahaha ;)

Friday, June 02, 2006

Just One of those Things

Went to see the doctor about my on-off stomach prob yesterday and she imposed a porridge or soft food only diet till the situation improves! An infection apparently. Hope the antibiotic cures it within a few days. But I miss forbidden food!!! I wanna eat A&W, Jap food, curry, pasta, pizza etc etc. Parents had to eat some of those nice local crackers in front of me during dinner *sob sob* How can they do this to their own daughter??

Do people really change? Am I too soft and accomodating? Perhaps I am naive, but I think I shall give friendship a chance as there seem to be some degree of sincerity, though I'll prepare contingency plans when I go about it. God indeed works in mysterious ways at times.

Had a nice surprise last week. どうもありがとうございました!

There are really a lot of things to be grateful about, if we bother to sit down and count our blessings. We are very blessed, especially when I look around and see how many people around me are struggling to cope after the fuel price hike.

Saw a student gang fight or tauran as they call it here today again. But it was not as serious as the other time. It was a pretty amazing phenomenon then. As it took place in the midst of a traffic jam, you suddenly see the cars disappearing from that stretch of street as they tried to avoid the hailstorm of stones and sticks that the kids used to throw at one another. Kinda reminded me of Moses parting the Red Sea :) My Dad oso tried to steer our car away frantically, but we were stuck in the middle of other cars oso desperate to escape. Thankfully the police arrived soon, their whistles shooing away the youths, who banged cars as they run away from the scene. Living in a developing country has its excitement.

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