The Opera Populaire

*Sob sob* Got my laptop back from so-called monitoring and the IT guy told me it is fine. But now it has gone back to its bonkers self and I am typing these on a screen that looks like photo negatives. I am seriously beginning to believe that I am an IT jinx. Time to buy a new laptop and PC.

First weekday of total freedom. Kinda lost, but I think I'll go back NUS to catch up with some peeps and profs first.

Just read a fren's blog, abt his weird dream. Had a super weird, vivid dream a few nights ago, too. I dreamt that my colleague, Jean's family insisted on finding husbands for us! Now this is really strange becos Jean has a steady bf in real-life, but in the dream, her parents decided that she shd marry someone else. And the strangest is that, I was dressed in a wedding gown, not her! Although she was supposed to get married on that day. Everyone kept asking me wasn't I supposed to be walking down the aisle and I was telling them this is all a grave misunderstanding and Jean is the true bride for the day. And I caught a glimpse of that guy I was supposed to marry and remembered thinking he wasn't too bad since he was actually nice enough to smile at me, but the concept of arranged marriage is still strange to me. I woke up rolling my eyes at the absurpdity of it all. Tsk tsk.

Had a talk with Uncle Jamie and felt very encouraged by having an elder Christian sharing his insights abt Godly notion of sexual intimacy. It may sound conservative to others, but I think it makes a lot of sense. Many youngsters these days believe that, as long as they r both in love, it is fine to engage in sex b4 marriage. But the truth is that, sexual act bonds two ppl like nothing else and it may be delusional in a sense becos the experience is so intense according to those who have exp it, that it may override other more solid indicators of a strong relationship, like communication. It is more difficult, not to mention painful, to leave a relationship where both parties have engaged in sex. In view of this point, "testing" sexual compatibility by engaging in sex b4 marriage also falls through. If you find out that you are both not compatible sexually, are you simply gonna forsake marrying the person? At the end of the day, the losing party is the gal.

Uncle Jamie told me something shocking as well. He said that, the truth is that, guys like to boast abt their "conquests". The end product is a damaging reputation to the girl while the guy has nothing to lose. Ok, perhaps that may not be true for all, but I am certain that, to some extent, the guy loses respect when he gets something so easily. And, while ppl are becoming more broad-minded, guys still find it difficult to accept girls who have been with someone else. Does anyone actually like to have their performance compared to their partner's previous partner(s)?

So I guess someone who is worthy of your love at the end of the day is someone who is willing to pay the price, so-called, of delayed gratification. Uncle Jamie assured me that, the sexual encounter that takes place after both parties have made a commitment to each other and sealed their wedding vows, is nothing short of wonderful. Such is God's gift to us when we are faithful to His commands.

Had a lot of fun singing ktv with my colleagues last night. It was a good mix of oldies and new songs. They really spoiled the feeling of some of my favourite songs by saying that they were very apt for a certain individual to sing to us!!!! Aiyoh! Tsk tsk! I'll neva see those songs with the same eye again.

But it was oso very touching becos of some songs we chose. They tried to find "Bengawan Solo" to dedicate to me, cos it's the only Malay song everyone knows, but cutely, they chose the wrong song! It was very sad at the end when we all sang Emil Chau's "Peng You" becos it was really heartfelt. Although we know one another for such a short time, we all felt a sense of loss at the parting. Really treasure it becos I am aware that it is difficult to make true frens once you are out of school. Here, I had found some really good frens. Do hope we keep in touch.

Hit by another bout of disappointment yesterday. The other travel agency limits their working holiday plan for students only. I was so disappointed that only after singing ktv could I feel better. Asked God why did He close so many doors to me ever since after I graduate. Today someone told me something abt expectation management. Found it a bit hard to swallow, but after pondering over it, I am forced to admit she is right. It's again the question of His will versus mine. Audrey said some time ago that at times we presuppose God, instead of really putting that child-like trust in Him. I thought that I had learnt the lesson of surrender long ago, but it seems that the challenges grow deeper as we learn more about Him.

I was meditating about how I have changed since I travelled to Australia 2 years ago. Sometimes, people may not be able to visibly perceive some changes within us, but when you actually do the exercise of comparing now and then, the revelation may amaze you. I am so hao lian; I always think I have matured a lot at any given point in time. But the truth is that, it is a never-ending experience. Think Stormie Omartian wrote something about it is not the end till He says it is. So, effectively, our learning only end the day we die. Pretty amazing when I think of it.

So, given the above premise, loving another must involve moulding your care to fit the person according to what he/she needs as he/she changes over time. Someone once hurt me terribly when he said,"You should have known me by then! But you still did it." I ended up blaming myself for a long time. It took me a long time to heal from the hurts that arose from that relationship. But it had taught me many lessons and even today, in retrospective, I keep seeing things from new angles about that. In any relationship, the couple needs to learn to grow together. It can be scary becos it can be difficult to find someone who can grow with you and your idiosyncrasies. Hmm.

As I sit typing this, my time at work here has come to an end.

While I am not exactly elated, I am feeling emotions of relief. Not because my time here has been bad in any way, because in fact, I thank God that I find favour with everyone around here, and that is a lot to say. I have been blessed with colleagues that are very helpful and unscheming and I believe our friendship will continue even after I am gone. I am grateful for my understanding supervisor who thinks for me. I felt foolish at times becos I am so green and did not do what she asked me to with expertise, but I am glad for the learning experience. I am also grateful for colleagues who put up with my inexpertise and patiently taught me things and correct my mistakes without complaining. I am also glad for the times when I am able to help complete a task.

Think I will really miss them all. Like the cleaner uncle, the ARAs, etc. They told me it's such a pity, they haven't got the chance to bully me yet! My sweet department head and another colleague got me a gift, which was so touching. And I was treated to yet another lunch by the peeps of another department, whom I have gotten very close to, ironically. Tomorrow some of us r going for ktv, where they said they r waiting for my encore of oldies! Parting is such a sweet sorrow.

I have decided to move on simply because I wish to do something that will enable me to touch the lives of others, not filling up the head or making money. The future is not very clear at this moment, but I believe God has a plan for me.

Colleagues treated me and another leaving colleague to lunch at the Masonic Club, just beside our office. Walk past it everyday for the past 5 months I've been working here and I always see people all dressed up to attend wedding luncheons there. Have always felt a bit wary esp upon seeing the many carvings of the eye outside the building, though it looked very posh.

The inside is so colonial, filled with many very British school insignias and badges and even portraits of Queen Elizabeth II and other dukes and duchesses, I think. There are oso some swords. And a jackpot room, which the manager told us is not very popular becos people lose money there. They oso have an old piano which apparently nobody plays and so they use it to set up their buffet spread on! The place kinda reminded me of the cottage hotel my cousin held her wedding luncheon in UK, except that this has more of a club feel to it rather than cottagy. And I kept turning around wondering if the men in black would decide to have their regular club meetings there today. Hmm.

We had North Indian food, which was very good. Had dhal, mutton bhanna, chicken masala and mixed vegetable curry. They were not hot like South Indian curries tend to be. And the taste is not overpowering, so it was very delicious. The rice was served on a banana leaf and I could smell the delightful fragrance even before the waiter set it down before us.

As we were leaving, the animated manager asked us to consider getting married in the garden there! It does look like a pretty place, with bouquets of roses tied with ribbons as decoration. But no, heh. I shall only get my marriage solemnized in the future in a church, in front of God.

PS: My last day is earlier than expected. I'll be out of office by Fri. Heh.

Saw this on Boi Boi's blog. A fren has a more complete version. Pinched this from her blog. Hope it's ok gal ;) Very touching.

世界上最遥远的距离
作者：林汐

世界上最遥远的距离
不是生与死的距离而是
我站在你面前 你不知道我爱你

世界上最遥远的距离不是
我站在你面前 你不知道我爱你
而是爱到痴迷 却不能说我爱你

世界上最遥远的距离不是
爱到痴迷 却不能说我爱你
而是想你痛彻心扉 却只能深埋心底

世界上最遥远的距离不是
想你痛彻心扉 却只能深埋心底而是
彼此相爱 却不能够在一起

世界上最遥远的距离不是
彼此相爱 却不能够在一起而是
明知道真爱无敌 却装作毫不在意

世界上最遥远的距离不是
树与树的距离而是
同根生长的树枝却无法在风中相依

世界上最遥远的距离不是
树枝无法相依而是
相互了望的星星却没有交汇的轨迹

世界上最遥远的距离不是
星星之间的轨迹而是
纵然轨迹交汇 却在转瞬间无处寻觅

世界上最遥远的距离不是
瞬间便无处寻觅而是
尚未相遇 便注定无法相聚

世界上最遥远的距离
是鱼与飞鸟的距离
一个在天 一个却深潜海底

Mom is all alone in Jakarta this week cos Dad has left for Adelaide with Bro. Must call her up everyday to chat and check on her. Not very safe to be a lone lady there, who doesn't know how to drive.

Things don't seem to be going well for me in a lot of areas in my life. As my last day in office draws near, I am beginning to feel more and more lost, ironically. People tell me it's natural and some of my frens do empathise, having been in the same boat. But it's hard to fight the emotions of worry.

Wanna thank Dr. Keck for writing me an encouraging email after I told him abt JET rejecting me. Felt terribly touched. Will go back visit the profs soon.

Work is not the only worry at this point in time. Just found out that STA is no longer organising working holidays due to the many changes in policies after the many incidents happening around the world at this point. They gave me the address of another organisation that may also organise the same thing, and I'll go try there this week. See how it goes.

An ironical thing that happened was that I received a letter calling me for a 2nd interview! My jaw nearly dropped becos I had thot that one was a goner. Not only did I not really desire the job, I am not cut out for it and besides I think I was smoking away during the interview and I suppose they must have been smart enough to notice that. But they actually wanna ask me for a 2nd round of interview! Hmm. Still deciding if I wanna attend.

Health is another issue. I am drawing up a plan to chart out a change to my diet, long term. I dun think I'm exactly aging, but I am beginning to recognise the need to change long-term patterns of behaviour that may be detrimental to my health due to something that was revealed to me in the recent month. It's affecting me quite a lot. But someone reminded me that God is not so cruel as to design us in such a way that we can't control this, although my feelings may tell me otherwise. So I am determined to believe that and work to change things with His power.

I am grateful for the presence of God in my life, without which this period will have been a harder one to endure. During quiet time yesterday, was thinking about how He is like an anchor amidst the swirling ocean that is my life, the only source of certainty and comfort. Not that it is easy to sense this all the time. But it's there nevertheless.

I will not sugar-coat the Christian walk by saying that it is a bed of roses, becos often it really isn't. And it also doesn't make sense all the time. I think none of us humans can see things with an eternal perpective, or even long-term, for that matter, much as we hate to admit that. But Oswald Chambers reminded us that only by obeying will it all come into perpective, in the spiritual sense. Hmm. I am still learning to grasp that. Indeed, it is impossible to understand our relationship with Christ by intellect.

Oso wanna thank all my frens whom God put with me in this journey, esp all the fellow "walking woundeds", all of us recent grads in our twenties struggling in our transition from studying to working life. I was amazed to see that almost all of us share this bond of being part of the quarter-life crisis and in a sense that is very comforting becos we can all share the lessons learnt. I am supposed to be part of this young working adult gathering thingie in VCF, but due to time clashes between that and my church, I have been missing some sessions.

Just a quote to ponder:
(Song of Songs 7: 6-7)
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy as unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

FROM BRITISH NEWSPAPERS
1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill,a spokesman for North West Gas said, “We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.” (The Daily Telegraph)
2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)
3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)
4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, “This sort of thing is all too common”. (The Times)
5) At the height of the gale, the harbour master radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn’t have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his LandRover off the cliff. ( Aberdeen Evening Express)
6) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. “He’d always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out ‘Heil Hitler.’” ( Bournemouth Evening Echo)

ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS THAT LONDON TUBE TRAIN DRIVERS ACTUALLY HAVE MADE TO THEIR PASSENGERS
1) “Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.”
2) “Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering fromE & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.”
3) “Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.”
4) “Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let’s take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now…. ‘Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall…..’.”
5) “We are now travelling through Baker Street… As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that”.
6) “Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.”
7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: “Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman… unfortunately, towels are not provided.”
8) “Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause .) “Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I’m going home….”
9) “May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it’s only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.”
10) “Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open.’ The two are distinct and separate instructions.”
11) “Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.”
12) “We can’t move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.”
13) “To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of ’stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand?”
14) “Please move all baggage away from the doors.” (Pause..) “Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.” (Pause…) “This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways!”

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium.You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

Have quite a bit to blog about, but due to fatigue, I shall just post this nice song that is one of my all-time fav, which someone (by virtue of telepathy or something) actually wrote to me this week:

Climb ev'ry mountain
Search high and low
Follow ev'ry by-way
Every path you know

Climb ev'ry mountain
Ford ev'ry stream
Follow ev'ry rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Everyday of your life
For as long as you live

Climb ev'ry mountain
Ford ev'ry stream
Follow ev'ry rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Everyday of your life
For as long as you live

Climb ev'ry mountain
Ford ev'ry stream
Follow ev'ry rainbow
'Till you find your dream

My CG is embarking on a new series of intensive discipleship Bible study. We all have to commit to reading up to prepare for the weekly sessions everyday. Started mine yesterday and found the reading very interesting. Read abt the history of the Bible. Although Stephen had always been giving me personal lectures on this topic, I never could fully get what is the Septuagint, etc. And neva really bother to find out, I must admit :p Until yesterday.

As a church called to minister to the youths, at times, we tend to feed on milk rather than solid food that we should be having, because of the many youngsters there. But I am glad for the cell grp, esp for this session, becos finally we are gonna get the solid food. Truly I am very blessed to be in the church and I hope to be a blessing to them as well.

Went to the Ford Factory, which will open this Thu, to work on Sat. My supervisor so seldom asked me for anything that I know whenever she does, it must be terribly urgent. I dun mind oso, as it is part of my duty. I must say it is a pretty impressive establishment after the renovation. We were doing most of our work and eating at the Surrender Chamber. Thankfully, the table and chairs were not the actual artefacts :p Talk about public history :)

Had a nice surprise on Fri night. Was working till pretty late when my cousin called, saying they were in the area and asked me out for dinner. I asked them to go ahead 1st actually, but they were so sweet to wait and I'm afraid I really made them wait, for 45 min in fact! We went to Pasta Cafe. The food and service used to be better apparently, but to me, it's the company that mattered.

元宵节 really arrived in the flash of an eye. Was in my room when I saw the full moon, framed between the trees of my backyard, climbing up the sky. It was a beautiful orange colour, contrasted against the blue sky of the late evening. Is it supposed to be called the harvest moon? Recalled that the moon is full on 初十五s.

My cousin and her British husband went back yesterday. How time flies. Soon, around Sept, they will have an addition to their family. According to some of my relatives, it will probably be a boy, cos her features apparently bec less attractive during pregnancy! Bad news for gals like me who want to have boys next time. Buahahaha :) Well, love and marriage is still so far away for me. But I'm gonna be a 表姑 soon at least!

Apparently the saying that truth is stranger than fiction has more grounds than it seems. A plot from the book of one of my fav authors, Pramoedya Ananta Toer, is manifesting itself in the life of my fren. I only pray that the ending is not as tragic as it is in the book. Gal, be strong. Let your mind win over your heart, please.

Insomnia last nite! I dunno why; was feeling so tired I could barely join in the conversation during my cell grp outing last nite, but I woke up at 2.30 am and couldn't go back to sleep anymore. Tried to read a book, but it din work. So here I am, trying to run the race against time in the office with my eyes barely open. Perhaps it was the Carl's Jr. meal I ate all by myself. Though I din remember feeling bloated by it. My pastor was so amazed at my appetite :)

Got an SMS from another former Red Cross member fren this morning. Din mention that these few weeks, it seemed that all the RC frens I had sorta lost contact with had somehow resurfaced. Had a good meal and catching up session with Wee Su some weeks back. Then Chris called me when we were at Chinatown two weeks ago and chatted for more than 1 hour with him. Quite surprising that I could maintain conversations with these old frens for so long and din feel as if we had grown a day apart. Chris is *gasp* married!!!! But for an old man like him, it's high time :p We used to be close when I was staying in KR. Was telling Shizhi, Hanyong and Pearl that my ex used to be very threatened by our frenship. I'm glad that he found someone to share his life with and made him promise to invite me when he holds his Chinese wedding, which he incidentally has an interesting date in mind!

My god-bro, Stephen had oso resurfaced of late, actually taking time to wish me happy New Yr etc. Then, when I was in Bugis some time ago, someone actually msged me,"Jennifer, is that you?" and turned out it was Khai Teng, whose phone number I had deleted!

It would be great if we can all meet up again, as Chris said. On another note, there is someone among them whom I am not certain I'm ready to meet again, although the past belongs to the past. Yet, I dun want to force situation whereby my frens have to make a choice of it's either me or him present in the gathering. Well, well. Let our wise old Chris make the decision.

Went to watch "霍元甲" (Fearless) last nite, just to make myself feel better about things. Must admit that my expectations were lowered after hearing abt the lacklustre plot, but to my surprise, I actually enjoyed the movie and left the cinema feeling more uplifted abt things.

It is true that the plot is rather predictable. Talented martial artist but arrogant. Learnt his lessons after making mistakes. Know the true meaning of martial arts, went on to fight for the true purpose. But Jet Li, as one review said, is still a delight to watch in the fighting scenes. I am so glad they din use those silly slow motion fighting sequence ala Matrix, cos I find that those really spoil the essence.

One part of the plot struck me as being slightly sensitive in view of the strained relations between the Japs and China in the recent times.

Think this was the 2nd time I watched a martial arts movie in the actual cinema. The 1st was "太极张三丰", which I watched in Jakarta with Bro and Mom looong, long time ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth :p

Though I no longer practise martial arts due to my conviction with God (still in the process of understanding more abt wat He thinks), and oso my serious leg injuries (which I kinda take as a sign from Him), I still enjoy watching martial arts movies, performances. Pity there is not many ppl I can actually ask to go watch with me. Raine kinda gave a weird look when I asked her *ehem* and Pearl etc were trying to be nice, but I know y'all not int rite??? Hmph! Just kidding :p

Been disappointed by some things lately. Just checked my email and found out that I have not been even selected for interview for the JET programme, which would have required me to go to Japan to teach EL for a year. Although I had prayed abt it and let God decide if He is willing to open the door to this way, I am still processing this disappointment.

I suppose if He is indeed my Lord, I must let Him handle the steering wheel. It's not the easiest thing to do. I found that, for the past year, I have been asked to lay a lot of things I really want down at His feet. The decisions often made me perplexed at best, or sad at worst. Coupled with a certain condition I am having, the sense of struggle is multiplied, even though to an average person, it may nt seem serious. I guess God deals with each person in proportion to what he/ she can take at each point in life and probably in a sense, I am weaker than most people. As in I have led a sheltered life and my threshold for certain things r low compared to many ppl.

Indeed, I find that things tend not to be so easy when I make decisions without consulting the Lord. Not to say that living out the decisions you made to honour Him is smooth sailing, but somehow, His grace sustains. While sometimes the future still seems uncertain, there is certainty in the midst of the uncertainty. Ok, that sounds ironic, but most Christians shd understand.

Coming back to the rejection, it's good that God prompted me not to put all my eggs in one basket. So in a sense, being rejected by JET is not like the end of the world and back to the drawing board kinda thing, disappointing as it is. Have been praying abt other doors as well.

Disappointment with the ppl around you is a more tricky thing. Sometimes you need a certain sort of support from individuals and the person just dun react in that way you need. Be it just the wrong timing or worse yet, irreconcilable character differences, the disappointment is there all the same.

Guess God uses these providential circumstances to show me that, at the end of the day, our primary reliance shd be upon Him. He is the same yesterday, today and in the future. He is there for us 24 to 7 and He is never too tired or busy for us. He understands us and loves us. At times when I choose to seek Him, I find myself being enveloped in His warm and comforting presence. I oso can draw from His never-dry spring of love and be able to continue to forgive and love and care for the individuals who have hurt me, imperfect as my humanly love is.

Yeah, ever since I come to know Him, although disappointments still never cease to come my way, I find myself more able to let go and let God. While I can't say that a lot of things' beauty pale in comparison with eternity, I fully agree with Jim Elliot's words," He is no fool who gave what he could not keep and gained what he could not lose." (note: quoted from hazy memory, may not be reliable)

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. A plan to prosper you and not to harm you. A plan to give you a hope and a future."

Been meaning to blog this for some time, but has been busy and not feeling well with sore throat. Not that I indulged a lot in New Yr goodies tho :p

CNY was overall ok. The eve began with a session at the doctor's for my check up. Felt a bit dismayed upon realising something and felt the effect almost immediately; dunno if it's self-fulfilling prophecy? But I believe God will heal me in time. Went for a walk in Botanic Gardens. Had never been there. Realised it's a really beautiful place! Saw some species of plants that I've neva seen b4. Strange that most of the visitors there r Korean tourists and Caucasian expats. Our CNY eve dinner was the norm. The entire extended family gathered at my place for dinner.

Watched Andy Lau's "Say Again You Love Me" or something like that while waiting around for everyone to get ready to visit my granduncle on the 1st day. Aiyoh the entire plot was almost exactly like the Korean drama "Summer Scent". Not fantastic, but can be rather touching at some points. Bro came back in the evening.

Had a great catching up session with Raine the next day. She was astounded at how "nua" I have become and coaxed me to go to a party with her to meet new people. So we went to my place so that I could get changed. We marvelled at how long it had been since she last came to my place. Think we must have been in Sec 2 then!

I know she is gonna kill me for this, but I must talk abt her Dad cos he was simply so cute! It's so evident that he is very, very fond of her. Calling her a "gem" and saying that she is very pretty and saying he was so disappointed that I wasn't going to club with her to take care of her. Hee hee. My own Dad would not do that lor. He is the sort that may feel some stuff, but neva show it one haha.

Anyway, the party I went to happened to be thrown by the father of one of my seniors from St. John last time. Shawn (I was almost gonna call her "Ma'am", as was the custom back then) looked the same and I'm glad she is doing well. I was most impressed by the architecture of the house, though. Apparently her father told the architect to "go wild!" and he did just that. I am not good at description, but it was like a combi between colonial style, with some resort-like feel. For example, the bathroom was the outdoor kind! Really like that! And we all crowded into Uncle's room to watch a homemade video of their skiing trip to Japan, which was so professionally done! Complete with nice Christmas carols as background music. Woah! I like to ski. Had tried skiing when I went to Korea. The same hotel that they filmed the drama "Autumn in my Heart" in. And I tried it once again at Mount Buller in Australia. Would love to ski again.

Oso just came back from Joan's house. I haven't seen some of my classmates like Zongjin, Xinjie and Jane ever since I left Sec 4! How some of them have changed. Jane said I haven't changed much haha. Din talk much to them tho. Was neva that close to them in the first place and I guess when you lose that contact, you just drift apart. But had a good time talking to Audrey and Jingting, whom I still keep in contact with.

People who know me complain that I laugh too loudly and in an unlady-like manner. But today I finally laughed till I cried. Was over at the Audio-Visual side waiting for the technician to help me dub something when he decided to show all of us something he did with Photo Editor. We took one look and doubled over in laughter. It was simply hilarious! And I actually shed a solitary tear as I laughed. Such a mood lifter :)