The Opera Populaire

Love cannot be based on illusion. I dun think anyone can say he/ she cares for someone if he/ she doesn't know what is going on in the other party's life and is basing things on info passed from others or outdated info.

在此祝大家新年快乐!

My favourite flowers are blooming very prettily when I saw them this morning. Love this time of the year becos it's the only time I can see them in bloom. Isn't it ironic why some things in life are all the more beautiful becos they are so transient? Cherish everything in life as if it is the last time you'll ever see them.

Was so good to see peeps like Jeramin and Ziqian again at Keong's birthday dinner last nite. Had nonya buffet at Bugis. Keong looked so happy showing us his Magic Card collection, though for the life of me I can neva understand the hobby. Remember my bro used to collect cards when he was a kid, something to that extent too. He would buy albums and painstakingly scour around for the right cards, blowing a good part of his pocket money on them. Pearl begged to differ, saying that it's a grown man's hobby, but I still catch no ball. Sorry think I may need a lot more explanation hehe.

Speaking of which, that boy is finally coming back for a short while on 初一 evening. Hope his exams went well. And Raine is back too! Hah.

Oh, I wish to complain abt Shizhi. Cos he made obscene jokes abt me. This is totally unacceptable! To think that I always thot he is very 乖! Tsk tsk. Recently it's becoming less true apparently!

Recently, ppl's been asking abt my plans. Well, I guess I will be going away from S'pore for a few months then. Should be spending some time back in Jakarta. Was watching the news and saw this clip of the Vice-President of Indo, Jusuf Kalla, speaking and realised how his mannerism and accent made me miss the country where I grew up in. Downloaded and printed some writings from Pramoedya Ananta Toer the other day, too. Will read them when I have the chance. Strange how I continue to like his writings long after my ISM. Perhaps I can expand on this if I decide to choose History for my Master's. I also went with Weifen to Es Teler 77 at Far East on Sun. The bakso bihun and avocado juice really got me nostalgic. In Jakarta, these are found everywhere. It helps that most of the customers there are Indonesians. The design and lay out of the restaurant is also typically Indonesian.

But I also have plans to take a short time to travel. Perhaps work and travel. Always found that travelling widens your perspective like nothing else. Felt a bit irritated when someone said I am escaping the other day. Escaping? What from? I am learning not to let ppl's opinions affect me too much. No, I am not escaping. I think that at every point in your life there must always be times when you just take a break and think and pray about your direction. Besides, I am still young and there is so much I wanna experience and see, especially abroad. I remember how travelling helped me heal from my break up and learn new things. It may sound ironic, but it actually turned out to be one of the happiest times of my life, despite the occasional lingering heartache. Hmm...perhaps I'll ask Dad if he's still on abt that Tibet trip he's been dying to go for ages haha. Alternatively, I may work and travel in UK.

Told Weifen that I am beginning to experience that thing that my Mom has felt for years, when you feel so much obligation to your work that you are afraid to leave it for even a day. In the past I eagerly jumped when anyone mentions "travel" and will excitedly participate in planning etc. But these days I just growl with irritation and do not feel much enthusiasm, except for rare times like now. But since things are coming to an end, my old enthusiasm is back.

But meanwhile, it's back to work I go. Ganbatte!

artist: nat king cole
Words by john turner and geoffrey parsons and music by charlie chaplin

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

// posted by Jenn @ 1:32 PM 0 Comments

Saya ingin menjadi seorang wanita yang lebih besar hati. Tapi tidak dapat. Sesungguhnya, saya dengki dengan dia. Kau bilang padaku, hal itu telah lama berlalu. Tapi...

So, I have taken the big plunge. I know it is the right decision, but as the events of the past year shows, the right decisions are not always the easiest to live with. So much worry. So much uncertainty. Although I found out that I had just escaped something potentially bad, I still feel lost. Sometimes I wish I am more gungho and not be so affected by some things.

But while praying and writing my diary I have decided to be strong, with His grace. I shall do what I must to the best of my ability, so that even if people still choose to nitpick, I shall at least be able to hold my head up high. I shall endevour to improve myself with new skills and experiences. I shall not give in to despair.

It is gonna be a very hectic month. I have always loved Chinese New Year, but somehow I had to drag myself to get my hair cut and dun even feel much like thinking about what to wear etc on the first day. Was supposed to go Hong Kong with my parents, but in the end chose to stay in case of emergency.

On a positive note, saw the first blossom of my favourite flower blooming this morning. The reason why I love Chinese New Year is because it is the only time when I can see it. haha. Anyone care to try to guess what it is?

Feeling very low now... Have a huge decision to make and carry out and I dunno if it's the right one. Isn't it ironic how we know some decision can be good, but we just fear living in its consequences?

Escaped from my D&D on Fri and made my way to meet 2 of my oldest and dearest frens from pri and sec sch, Joan and Audrey. So rare for our timetables to coincide! Realised that I was so happy and so totally comfortable with them. We talked in depth about various issues like job, current affairs, religion over dinner at Crystal Jade. Though I was woozy from the flu and my nose alternatively ran and got blocked at times, I din want the night to end.

On a positive note, I thought I have been losing weight, but found out that I actually gained 1 kg! Haha...


Gotta run do stuff now. Taking a snatched break.

Sigh...caught the flu bug from everyone around me. Was lying in bed this morning dreading the thought of waking up for work, whimpering to myself. I make a difficult patient, and my Mom fully concurs with this fact since I was young. I was a sickly kid. She had to tend to me whenever my asthma attacked. I recall one night when she just carried me in her arms and soothed me to sleep, both of us watching the lights and listening to the sounds of the Jakartan night. I have since grown more independent, but I still crave TLC when I dun feel well lah.

Wonder if kimchi really help cure flu, as Lorraine wrote on her blog? Hahaha... I din develop much taste for it when I went to Korea tho.

Been feeling a mixture of irritability and sadness since a few days ago. Felt totally drained by yesterday. I told Yunling I won't go church for CG yesterday cos dun feel too good. Perhaps it's good that I was so drained cos if not, I may wanna brandish a sword and be a warrior of justice.

Sometimes I dun understand why do some people get away with behaving in a certain way. I always agree that, when you look back at the end of your life, people will remember you for that touch of love and humanity that you bring into their lives and not your achievements, however many. But there are people who put everything into work and demanding impossible standards of perfection in other people, humiliating them when they dun get it.

I have been wondering, is it their priority in life, or is there something missing in other aspects of their lives, such that they have no choice but to compensate by behaving in that sort of manner? At times, the realisation that God loves them just as much as he does you or me hits me and I just cannot grasp why. Isn't it marvellous to realise how infinite His love and grace is?

There is also a similar but seemingly different case, when people act supposedly nice, but are actually wanting nothing more than to benefit him/herself by doing so. Reading "The Memoirs of a Geisha" reinforced once again that, sometimes, it is this mask that attracts people. Do human beings really value the truth and being treated sincerely as they profess they do? I feel terribly cynical about this increasingly. I have always valued what the Chinese call 真善美 and strive towards that in a Godly sense. But it gets difficult when it doesn't pay, when just such a person gets what you really treasure, when others fight to worship at these individuals' shrines.

Someone told me it may be that it is the only way of getting what they need in life, that is, by manipulation. Perhaps their background or worldview molded them this way. In a sense, perhaps we can be more understanding towards these individuals because they are also seeking to fill in a certain void in their lives. Guess I can sympathize with this, with some difficulty, of course.

Still, I have this idealism inside me yet and for His sake, I will not let go of it, but strive to live by His standards, no matter what happens.

Belakangan ini, nampaknya teman-temanku pada melagak seolah mengerti apa yang saya maksud dalam blog entry-ku. Bah! Jangan sok ah! Kalian tidak and juga tidak akan pernah mengerti. Apalagi yang sekarang ada di luar negeri. Sungguh menjengkelkan! Saya tidak selalu memerlukan nasehat!

The weather has been so cold that I had to wear cropped pants and a cardigan to kopitiam on Mon. Apparently the exceptionally cold winter in Siberia is to blame.

But it was great to do nothing but sleep and read books at home in the chilly weather. Felt like a cuddly kitten doing that somehow.

I have been learning so much on Japanese Occupation that I have dreamt of the ghosts of the Jap soldiers twice by last nite. Tsk tsk. Not the best experience for someone who dun dare to watch horror movie and sleeps alone. The howling winds doesn't help either. Haha.

Such crappy post this has been. Kinda need an outlet to vent after a long, tiring day. Hope tomorrow will be better.

Paused to cross the road, deep in thought about my CG's words last night.

"Father, just when I thought I have understood how You work, You show me a different side of Yourself. I don't understand all these. How unpredictable You can be at times!"

I could almost see Him smiling cheekily, playfully hiding away as He replied,"But interesting, isn't it?"

I had to smile as I said,"I suppose so." I wonder, I pray, I wish... But why do I keep doubting? Is my faith smaller than a mustard seed even?

So it is that all good things must come to an end. Felt very xian last night as the realisation that all the year end fun had ended and it's drudgery I must be off to the next day onwards. It's not that I hate to work for a living. I mean, I love the feeling of serving some purpose and earning my own keep. But those in the know will understand wat I mean.

Perhaps it's PMS (most likely it is). Or perhaps the trip back to NUS had brought back certain memories that I wish to stay in. But we all have to move on and I am glad that I am strong enough to do so, by God's grace.

Was looking forward to ktv on Fri, but din enjoy myself as much as I thought I would, perhaps exactly due to that raised expectations. But most likely, it was becos of PMS. Nothing out of the ordinary. At times, I get broody and morose for no rhyme or reason when it happens. The peeps seemed tired out too and there was no fight for the mike as usual. Only Shizhi seemed more enthu, as usual hehe. We all sang different songs from our usual favourites. The result was a night of oldies, which was enjoyable. The taxi driver that drove me home was particularly frenly. He could tell I just went for ktv becos of my rough voice! We chatted abt ktv and he even waved to me when driving off.

Went shopping to use up the money allocated to us employees for personal enhancement every year. Managed to get a cool Oakley specs for Bro, which shd be more lasting than his usual. Then got myself some books, one of which I am already more than three-quarter way thru, "Memoirs of a Geisha". Looking forward to catching the movie, though I still can't understand why must they get Chinese actresses to act the part of Jap geishas. Think they said something abt them being more proficient in the English language. Hmm... Anyhow, that really squeezed the wallet dry so I hope the claims come back fast!

This year's countdown was spent over at church. Felt a bit strange becos the service was rather solemn, not our usual informal style. Pastor even remarked that he wasn't used to seeing us seated in rows like in pews. But it was an interesting and meaningful experience to renew my covenant before the Lord as a means to spend the New Year. When the clock ticked 12 midnight, we all went abt greeting one another happy new year. It felt heart-warming, with some hugging. I am not a particularly huggy person, but it always feels good to be embraced. One thing I loved while in Europe was the free way in which they greeted one another by embracing and kissing. I remember my cousin-in-law's Grandad saying to me something like," Oh, come now. I know I am an old man." and offering his cheek to me. He was so cute! Rather hen-pecked but very adorably British, we cousins all agree. So for some reason I find kissing him to be particularly memorable and sweet. Think this is one aspect that we Asians should learn from the West.

Pearl had kindly invited us to her house for supper once again. The noodles was good. The cheesecake was simply divine! The lana cake was incomparable, as usual. Just love cakes heehee. I liked the soup too. My Mom always say I have a very Western taste bud, but one thing I can't resist is herbal soup.

We spent the night at the transformed Hons Room. Liked the walk there. It was a bit drizzly, but we could see stars. It felt like the nights when I stayed in hall so long ago, when I used to go out with my frens for supper or to watch hall production etc. And strangely, it felt like I had never left NUS for even a day. I always have the same feeling when I go back to Jakarta, no matter how the place had changed in reality. As I looked at the Hons Room, I recalled the Thu nights when I would pop by after CG to say hi to the folks who stayed over. I seemed to see the images of the various scenes of what had gone on before in the room. Like the jokes and intellectual discussions exchanged over packed lunches. The various nonsensical scribbling on the board. Sigh. What would I give to be an undergrad once more.

It was strange that I had never stayed over at the Hons Room back then, but that I stayed over now that I have graduated. Quite a fun experience.