Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Last Lap, but Wherefore the Strength?
It's the last lap. If I manage to mobilise all my remaining strength to complete it, by May, I will be a free person. And then, marriage, happy marriage. But for now, this sense of gloom and despair refuse to leave me.
It is there every morning I wake up. It is there in my lonely hours.
It saps me of my strength and joy.
It reminds me of happy times in December, when we were all together and I am rested, at last.
Oh God, You said You will not allow us trials beyond what we can bear. Where are You now? Your daughter cannot do it alone. Help me.
It is there every morning I wake up. It is there in my lonely hours.
It saps me of my strength and joy.
It reminds me of happy times in December, when we were all together and I am rested, at last.
Oh God, You said You will not allow us trials beyond what we can bear. Where are You now? Your daughter cannot do it alone. Help me.
Labels: Saya Affairs
Friday, January 15, 2010
Overwhelmed
It's only been the first week of school, but already, that feeling of being overwhelmed had not been able to leave me.
If you think work and study is a killer combi, well, 5 modules a sem certainly does not differ at all.
If you think work and study is a killer combi, well, 5 modules a sem certainly does not differ at all.
Friday, January 08, 2010
2009 in Retrospect
Have finally decided to sit down to pen some thoughts about the past year after finding a (relatively) fast Internet here in Jakarta :)
One of the highlights of 2009 was the fact that I finally got to travel for work. The first was to Washington DC in February/ March and the next was to Auckland. Both were eye-opening in their own ways as they were the first times I have been to the US and New Zealand. I realise that I am more of a doer than a talker and that could hinder some opportunities in my future career, although in general the feedback for my work performance had always been very positive in my past few jobs. My last boss had been the kindest, gentlest and most generous person I've ever met and we shared the same faith. However, I realised to my dismay that I tend not to perform as well when in relaxed state, which is something I'm still trying to figure out how to better.
The 2nd half of the year was sheer nightmare. I left for graduate studies under a scholarship that pays peanuts. Besides having to adjust back to student life and pay, the workload of Masters was...plenty horrific. A classmate called me crazy when she heard I was taking 5 modules during our first week. It proved nothing less than true. Especially when coupled with wedding planning. Mister and I decided to do it all ourselves because we realised we could not afford to engage a wedding planner. The result was an ailment in the stomach, which is only recently allayed in the December break. I lost about 4 kg, 2 clothes sizes. My gown designer was very happy about it, but no one else. I have since put back on about 1 kg, which is something to celebrate about.
Throughout the nightmare, God proved to be a stabilising factor. Whether or not people do believe in miracles or supernatural happenings, Mister and I encountered a couple of them. I believe that if God had not sent them, I would have given up or fallen into severe depression.
In addition, God also lifted me through this horrid experience with the caring love of my dear, family, relatives, and friends. I am really sorry for MIAing from many of the gatherings and perhaps being too businesslike in communicating with some. If I could make a movie about this period in my life, I'll probably call it "Time No Enough".
Right now, I'm just wondering what this new year will bring. I am not looking forward to school next week and all that mad rush. In addition, our new house is here and we'll need to start renovating soon. The wedding planning also need to continue. We do have many things in place already and hopefully, given our early planning, God help make everything work out.
Happy 2010!
One of the highlights of 2009 was the fact that I finally got to travel for work. The first was to Washington DC in February/ March and the next was to Auckland. Both were eye-opening in their own ways as they were the first times I have been to the US and New Zealand. I realise that I am more of a doer than a talker and that could hinder some opportunities in my future career, although in general the feedback for my work performance had always been very positive in my past few jobs. My last boss had been the kindest, gentlest and most generous person I've ever met and we shared the same faith. However, I realised to my dismay that I tend not to perform as well when in relaxed state, which is something I'm still trying to figure out how to better.
The 2nd half of the year was sheer nightmare. I left for graduate studies under a scholarship that pays peanuts. Besides having to adjust back to student life and pay, the workload of Masters was...plenty horrific. A classmate called me crazy when she heard I was taking 5 modules during our first week. It proved nothing less than true. Especially when coupled with wedding planning. Mister and I decided to do it all ourselves because we realised we could not afford to engage a wedding planner. The result was an ailment in the stomach, which is only recently allayed in the December break. I lost about 4 kg, 2 clothes sizes. My gown designer was very happy about it, but no one else. I have since put back on about 1 kg, which is something to celebrate about.
Throughout the nightmare, God proved to be a stabilising factor. Whether or not people do believe in miracles or supernatural happenings, Mister and I encountered a couple of them. I believe that if God had not sent them, I would have given up or fallen into severe depression.
In addition, God also lifted me through this horrid experience with the caring love of my dear, family, relatives, and friends. I am really sorry for MIAing from many of the gatherings and perhaps being too businesslike in communicating with some. If I could make a movie about this period in my life, I'll probably call it "Time No Enough".
Right now, I'm just wondering what this new year will bring. I am not looking forward to school next week and all that mad rush. In addition, our new house is here and we'll need to start renovating soon. The wedding planning also need to continue. We do have many things in place already and hopefully, given our early planning, God help make everything work out.
Happy 2010!
Labels: Random, Saya Affairs
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