The Opera Populaire

My 1st ever relationship reached its ending point. I thot long and hard whether to pen this entry, after reading Shi Zhi, Weijin and Hong Xian's blogs. Many considerations still prevent me from elaborating on many details, becos I dun wanna sound like I'm still bitter abt it...I try not to wash dirty linen in public. In fact, I have long since put this aspect of my past behind me and am able to look for a new relationship with a positive outlook.

The relationship actually sort of ended one month ago, but he implemented a "cooling down" period while I came back to Indo. It was a very painful time, with him not even bothering to call me up like he used to when I came back here. I cried and cried when no one was looking. I went into a self-blaming stage for quite some time. I begged my mom to allow me to go back 1 day earlier than scheduled so as to appease him. In vain. We officially broke up on the day the title said.

I was actually reluctant to go to Europe in my then current condition. I felt ugly, like a bitch, an inconsiderate, heartless mean person and I went abt thinking of myself as being unworthy of ever being loved by anyone else. My dad told me to just go as planned and not to think abt unhappy thots. Surprisingly, my heart healed very quickly on the trip. I guess the change of scenery really did me good.

But I still felt a pinch of my broken state during e trip. My cousin who married an Englishman, for whom we went to Europe for, was blissfully married. Another was happily attached. I felt very unattractive at times. And I blamed myself for being e cause of e break up. Lorraine had been very kind to me before e trip then. She went all e way to accompany me e day after the break up. For some reason, after weeping in church, my tears dried soon and I felt better after shopping w her. I am indebted to u, gal! So r Weifen and Audrey, who tried their bests to comfort me and hear me out. Thanks gals!

I waited for his SMS in Europe, which neva came. Think I found it difficult to understand why can't we be frens even after that? But I have since come to understand that, under the unfriendly circumstances of our break up, friendship is really difficult. Furthermore, I came to realize that, we dun have much in common after all, after e 1st flush of love had faded. I neva really believed that opposites attract, becos it bec a chore to try to understand e other party. It is more fun if u share e same interests and can laugh abt e same thing and do e same things tog with lotsa joy. Of course, it may help spice up e relationship if u can find ways to make ur differences work for ur relationship. Like if one party is more slack than e other, maybe he or she can help e other party slow down and smell e roses a bit.

Think I have told ppl b4 that my relationship failed becos of religious factors. Tho it is true to some extent, but Soon Onn made a good point while talking to me during e trip that other factors come into play as well. As I said, having similar interests as well as the maturity to give and take when differences arise are very important as well. Communi cation oso cant be underestimated.

Thru that relationship, I oso came to understand my own folly as a partner. Tho I dun blame myself as much now, I still shoulder part of e responsibility of the failure. So I now resolve to improve myself as a person and daughter of God. I oso learnt to open my eyes really big when selecting someone and thereafter close one eye a bit :) As much as I would like that someone next time to bring out the best in me, I would oso like to help bring out the best in him.

Hmm I read and re-read this entry for a long time. Ok lah, think it's sufficiently ok. Hope there r no finger pointing or pushing e blame in e entry.