The Opera Populaire

As I ponder and pray over whether to accept a certain job offer, suddenly I feel a sense of loss. Knowing that working here will cut an even wider gap between my family and I. Although I had always made an effort to go back to visit them every school break, I feel that I haven't been spending time with my family in Indonesia as much as I and they would like to. And now, the chances will be even more remote. From the one month there everytime to perhaps about 2 weeks each time from now onwards.

I begin to regret each moment I whined about why wouldn't they let me come back ealier in the past for some reason or another. Reasons that seemed so important before, like the various camps I just had to attend during school hols to more personal reasons like my then-bf, is making me feel rather self-centered. And I'm very sorry for the times when I showed them poor attitudes, not caring abt their hurt feelings at being treated so when they saw me so little. I'm sorry for not showing them more concern to make up for the lack during our times apart. I begin to regret heartily the fact that I spent more times worrying abt my own miniscule probs than theirs.

Although I know that staying and working there for good will prove to be a close to impossible task now that S'pore is so much part of me, still I'm not discounting the fact that it may happen one day. But not now. Yet... I'm sad for the things I'll miss out during our times apart, when my only contact with them will be the weekly phone calls and occasional visit. And the fact that my bro will be studying abroad means that our times tog will be even more precious.