Thursday, September 22, 2005
Back for Good
Yup, just touched down a few hours ago. Feeling a bit forlorn as memories flood over me.
As the immigration officer asked me whether I possess Frequent Flyer card, I suddenly realized how these frequent flying to and from Jakarta is reaching its ending point. From now on, I can only look forward to going back about once in a year, and 2 week each time. What a contrast to the twice a year affair, each time lasting one month, affair it has been all these while.
I should have answered window seat when the officer asked me whether I wanted window or aisle seat. Then I could have looked out to see the vast expanse of Java as the plane took off, for the last in a long time. Even the perpetually hazy sky din seem ugly to me anymore as I strained to peek out of the window beyond the edge of the newspaper of the man beside me. I will miss the coconut trees, the sawahs, the huts as well as the concrete buildings, the crawling traffic.
I managed to sort of hug my Dad...something that I have never really done because I have never been close to him though we are so much alike. The thought that I will see him barely from now onwards, in addition to the times already lost, made me quite upset. I am even more upset with myself because all the times when I could have spent getting to know him better I actually spent thinking about other things. But outwardly, I am cool. Isn't it strange how difficult it is to shed the ways in which u r brought up? My family finds it difficult to show emotions, unless they are emotions of anger or amusement. Being a particularly emotional person, I have learnt to always keep it under the veneer of more or less cool mask in front of them. I feel more free in front of my friends to show such emotions. But such conservative manner of us traditional Chinese must be unlearnt at some point or another in order to better the bond between us I think.
The thought that my bro is leaving for Aust alone, without frens, is making me rather worried for him. He has never liked to travel and I sense that he will get a big culture shock upon landing there. After the crowded and lively SEA we live in, it can be difficult to adjust to a foreign city that is relatively more spaced out and quiet. But I guess everyone has gotta learn at some point or another, and this is his chance. Shall really pray for him.
Meanwhile I had been astounded to learn that he hasn't moved beyond his toilet humour stage hahahaha. It had been great watching funny cartoons at home with him, sitting in the car while he drove around, denting the side of the car a few times in the process. Parting is such a sweet sorrow....yeah right! I hate partings... it is always sorrowful to me. Whether friends, family or lovers, I find it difficult to let go of the people I have come to love. I 1st learnt the difficult lesson of letting go in JC, but it doesn't seem to get any easier, though I think the biggest spiritual breakthroughs always come during these times of parting. Guess at the end of it all, we gotta learn that people come and go, but God is always there with us, "even till the very ends of age."
As the immigration officer asked me whether I possess Frequent Flyer card, I suddenly realized how these frequent flying to and from Jakarta is reaching its ending point. From now on, I can only look forward to going back about once in a year, and 2 week each time. What a contrast to the twice a year affair, each time lasting one month, affair it has been all these while.
I should have answered window seat when the officer asked me whether I wanted window or aisle seat. Then I could have looked out to see the vast expanse of Java as the plane took off, for the last in a long time. Even the perpetually hazy sky din seem ugly to me anymore as I strained to peek out of the window beyond the edge of the newspaper of the man beside me. I will miss the coconut trees, the sawahs, the huts as well as the concrete buildings, the crawling traffic.
I managed to sort of hug my Dad...something that I have never really done because I have never been close to him though we are so much alike. The thought that I will see him barely from now onwards, in addition to the times already lost, made me quite upset. I am even more upset with myself because all the times when I could have spent getting to know him better I actually spent thinking about other things. But outwardly, I am cool. Isn't it strange how difficult it is to shed the ways in which u r brought up? My family finds it difficult to show emotions, unless they are emotions of anger or amusement. Being a particularly emotional person, I have learnt to always keep it under the veneer of more or less cool mask in front of them. I feel more free in front of my friends to show such emotions. But such conservative manner of us traditional Chinese must be unlearnt at some point or another in order to better the bond between us I think.
The thought that my bro is leaving for Aust alone, without frens, is making me rather worried for him. He has never liked to travel and I sense that he will get a big culture shock upon landing there. After the crowded and lively SEA we live in, it can be difficult to adjust to a foreign city that is relatively more spaced out and quiet. But I guess everyone has gotta learn at some point or another, and this is his chance. Shall really pray for him.
Meanwhile I had been astounded to learn that he hasn't moved beyond his toilet humour stage hahahaha. It had been great watching funny cartoons at home with him, sitting in the car while he drove around, denting the side of the car a few times in the process. Parting is such a sweet sorrow....yeah right! I hate partings... it is always sorrowful to me. Whether friends, family or lovers, I find it difficult to let go of the people I have come to love. I 1st learnt the difficult lesson of letting go in JC, but it doesn't seem to get any easier, though I think the biggest spiritual breakthroughs always come during these times of parting. Guess at the end of it all, we gotta learn that people come and go, but God is always there with us, "even till the very ends of age."
// posted by Jenn @ 2:37 PM 
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