Thursday, January 12, 2006
Sigh...caught the flu bug from everyone around me. Was lying in bed this morning dreading the thought of waking up for work, whimpering to myself. I make a difficult patient, and my Mom fully concurs with this fact since I was young. I was a sickly kid. She had to tend to me whenever my asthma attacked. I recall one night when she just carried me in her arms and soothed me to sleep, both of us watching the lights and listening to the sounds of the Jakartan night. I have since grown more independent, but I still crave TLC when I dun feel well lah.
Wonder if kimchi really help cure flu, as Lorraine wrote on her blog? Hahaha... I din develop much taste for it when I went to Korea tho.
Been feeling a mixture of irritability and sadness since a few days ago. Felt totally drained by yesterday. I told Yunling I won't go church for CG yesterday cos dun feel too good. Perhaps it's good that I was so drained cos if not, I may wanna brandish a sword and be a warrior of justice.
Sometimes I dun understand why do some people get away with behaving in a certain way. I always agree that, when you look back at the end of your life, people will remember you for that touch of love and humanity that you bring into their lives and not your achievements, however many. But there are people who put everything into work and demanding impossible standards of perfection in other people, humiliating them when they dun get it.
I have been wondering, is it their priority in life, or is there something missing in other aspects of their lives, such that they have no choice but to compensate by behaving in that sort of manner? At times, the realisation that God loves them just as much as he does you or me hits me and I just cannot grasp why. Isn't it marvellous to realise how infinite His love and grace is?
There is also a similar but seemingly different case, when people act supposedly nice, but are actually wanting nothing more than to benefit him/herself by doing so. Reading "The Memoirs of a Geisha" reinforced once again that, sometimes, it is this mask that attracts people. Do human beings really value the truth and being treated sincerely as they profess they do? I feel terribly cynical about this increasingly. I have always valued what the Chinese call įåįž and strive towards that in a Godly sense. But it gets difficult when it doesn't pay, when just such a person gets what you really treasure, when others fight to worship at these individuals' shrines.
Someone told me it may be that it is the only way of getting what they need in life, that is, by manipulation. Perhaps their background or worldview molded them this way. In a sense, perhaps we can be more understanding towards these individuals because they are also seeking to fill in a certain void in their lives. Guess I can sympathize with this, with some difficulty, of course.
Still, I have this idealism inside me yet and for His sake, I will not let go of it, but strive to live by His standards, no matter what happens.
Wonder if kimchi really help cure flu, as Lorraine wrote on her blog? Hahaha... I din develop much taste for it when I went to Korea tho.
Been feeling a mixture of irritability and sadness since a few days ago. Felt totally drained by yesterday. I told Yunling I won't go church for CG yesterday cos dun feel too good. Perhaps it's good that I was so drained cos if not, I may wanna brandish a sword and be a warrior of justice.
Sometimes I dun understand why do some people get away with behaving in a certain way. I always agree that, when you look back at the end of your life, people will remember you for that touch of love and humanity that you bring into their lives and not your achievements, however many. But there are people who put everything into work and demanding impossible standards of perfection in other people, humiliating them when they dun get it.
I have been wondering, is it their priority in life, or is there something missing in other aspects of their lives, such that they have no choice but to compensate by behaving in that sort of manner? At times, the realisation that God loves them just as much as he does you or me hits me and I just cannot grasp why. Isn't it marvellous to realise how infinite His love and grace is?
There is also a similar but seemingly different case, when people act supposedly nice, but are actually wanting nothing more than to benefit him/herself by doing so. Reading "The Memoirs of a Geisha" reinforced once again that, sometimes, it is this mask that attracts people. Do human beings really value the truth and being treated sincerely as they profess they do? I feel terribly cynical about this increasingly. I have always valued what the Chinese call įåįž and strive towards that in a Godly sense. But it gets difficult when it doesn't pay, when just such a person gets what you really treasure, when others fight to worship at these individuals' shrines.
Someone told me it may be that it is the only way of getting what they need in life, that is, by manipulation. Perhaps their background or worldview molded them this way. In a sense, perhaps we can be more understanding towards these individuals because they are also seeking to fill in a certain void in their lives. Guess I can sympathize with this, with some difficulty, of course.
Still, I have this idealism inside me yet and for His sake, I will not let go of it, but strive to live by His standards, no matter what happens.
// posted by Jenn @ 10:24 AM 
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