Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Turning Bad into Good
A small miracle to be grateful abt tonight.
It all started last nite, when we attended a relative's 3rd yr death anniversary at some lavish ballroom. Apparently he & his family had converted to Christianity and so the memorial service was conducted in a Christian manner. Kinda contradictory, though I was mildy comforted that the spotlight was put more on God than on the deceased. Still, my parents were not impressed with the whole service, reason being that 1) there is a long-term family dispute in place 2) the service was not well-catered to the large number of non-Christians attending it.
So this evening my mom kinda spoke against that service and then against the "fanatics", we Protestants to our worker, dragging me in and embarrassing me in the process. My 1st reaction was one of anger, then deep sadness. Once again I felt all alone in this, being the only believer in the family. I wanted to lash out at the perceived injustice.
But a voice inside pulled me back, telling me that it is more important to love and respect her as a mother than win an argument. My emotions din die down immediately, so I prayed and waited for the right time to talk to her. I must reverse the bad communication pattern that I am used to in order to connect with them. I remembered the verse,"Surely I will be with you, even till the very ends of age." Rotten as I felt still, I willed myself to believe in this promise.
Indeed, God never disappoints. I dun think I am a wise person by any standard. I was always at a loss as to how to form opinions in class or in front of some guys in our class. "Ask, and it will be given to you." So I prayed for wisdom. And He gave it to me. I managed to tell my mom nicely that I din like wat she did just now and oso state my stand on issues, at the risk of being branded a "fanatic".
They asked lotsa questions and stated lotsa disagreements, of course. Not all of which was successfully answered. My Chinese is oso not up to standard when explaining some things. But then, as someone told me once, our job is only to witness. It is His to convince and convict. It is not important to win an argument; it is more important to be loving. At the end, mom told me that, I am more Christian than some baptised Christians, which I take as a compliment haha.
In Indonesia, saying that you are a free-thinker actually earns you a bad reputation. If I'm not wrong this stems from the anti-Communist movement back in...1960s. As a result, there r ppl who put on acts of religiosity to convince the society that they do have a religion. It is inevitable that some black sheep give a bad name to a faith in general. Well, it is not my duty to judge, esp since I am new to the scene and only know things from hearsay. Yet I do pray for open eyes, especially in this country which is so old yet so new to me.
As the result of such incidences, I once again sigh, grateful though I am. I dream of having a Godly family where I can be my Christian self and be supported. But I believe I will emerge stronger from small adversities such as this. And that He has a larger plan in mind. If only feelings can be put in line with the intellect; things would have been so much easier.
Still, I am grateful :)
It all started last nite, when we attended a relative's 3rd yr death anniversary at some lavish ballroom. Apparently he & his family had converted to Christianity and so the memorial service was conducted in a Christian manner. Kinda contradictory, though I was mildy comforted that the spotlight was put more on God than on the deceased. Still, my parents were not impressed with the whole service, reason being that 1) there is a long-term family dispute in place 2) the service was not well-catered to the large number of non-Christians attending it.
So this evening my mom kinda spoke against that service and then against the "fanatics", we Protestants to our worker, dragging me in and embarrassing me in the process. My 1st reaction was one of anger, then deep sadness. Once again I felt all alone in this, being the only believer in the family. I wanted to lash out at the perceived injustice.
But a voice inside pulled me back, telling me that it is more important to love and respect her as a mother than win an argument. My emotions din die down immediately, so I prayed and waited for the right time to talk to her. I must reverse the bad communication pattern that I am used to in order to connect with them. I remembered the verse,"Surely I will be with you, even till the very ends of age." Rotten as I felt still, I willed myself to believe in this promise.
Indeed, God never disappoints. I dun think I am a wise person by any standard. I was always at a loss as to how to form opinions in class or in front of some guys in our class. "Ask, and it will be given to you." So I prayed for wisdom. And He gave it to me. I managed to tell my mom nicely that I din like wat she did just now and oso state my stand on issues, at the risk of being branded a "fanatic".
They asked lotsa questions and stated lotsa disagreements, of course. Not all of which was successfully answered. My Chinese is oso not up to standard when explaining some things. But then, as someone told me once, our job is only to witness. It is His to convince and convict. It is not important to win an argument; it is more important to be loving. At the end, mom told me that, I am more Christian than some baptised Christians, which I take as a compliment haha.
In Indonesia, saying that you are a free-thinker actually earns you a bad reputation. If I'm not wrong this stems from the anti-Communist movement back in...1960s. As a result, there r ppl who put on acts of religiosity to convince the society that they do have a religion. It is inevitable that some black sheep give a bad name to a faith in general. Well, it is not my duty to judge, esp since I am new to the scene and only know things from hearsay. Yet I do pray for open eyes, especially in this country which is so old yet so new to me.
As the result of such incidences, I once again sigh, grateful though I am. I dream of having a Godly family where I can be my Christian self and be supported. But I believe I will emerge stronger from small adversities such as this. And that He has a larger plan in mind. If only feelings can be put in line with the intellect; things would have been so much easier.
Still, I am grateful :)
// posted by Jenn @ 12:59 AM 
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